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nowadays, men tend to spend much money on beauty care than in the past. what is the root of this behaviour? write an essay to discuss about the reasons and the cause of the topic.

nowadays, men tend to spend much money on beauty care than in the past. what is the root of this behaviour? write an essay to discuss about the reasons and the cause of the topic. LB5l3
Today, both genders invest more in products that help enhance their physical appearance, which was not commonly saw in the past. What does the root of this behavior stem from. This essay is written to discuss the purposes and the results of this behaviour. Gender inequality has been phased out as human has conceived an innovative notion of women’s right. Women from diverse caste are now starting to involve in different positions in various professions. The feminity in a woman is diminished and the masculinity is augmented. This result was shown in not only women but also the antagonistic gender. Consequently, this lead to the increase in men’s interest in beauty products. Men’s interest in beauty care displays the accomplishment in abolishing the gender inequality despite the obsolete prejudice. Nevertheless, some people claim that men’s investment in beauty care is overhyped and has somewhat erased the natural masculinity that was destined to be a salient trait in a man. The interest of both genders in beauty products is common than ever. Yet this brings both advantages and unwanted drawbacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, both genders invest more in products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
enhance their physical appearance, which was not
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the past. What does the root of this behavior stem from. This essay
is written
to discuss the purposes and the results of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Gender inequality has
been phased
out as human has conceived an innovative notion of women’s right. Women from diverse caste are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
starting to involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions in various professions. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
feminity
in a woman
is diminished
and the masculinity
is augmented
. This result
was shown
in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the antagonistic gender.
Consequently
, this lead to the increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
products.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
’s interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
care displays the accomplishment in abolishing the gender inequality despite the obsolete prejudice.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
care is
Possible spelling mistake found.
overhyped
and has somewhat erased the natural masculinity that
was destined
to be a salient trait in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

The interest of both genders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
products is
Use "commoner" to make a comparison with this adjective.
common
than ever.
Yet
this brings both advantages and unwanted drawbacks.
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IELTS essay nowadays, men tend to spend much money on beauty care than in the past. what is the root of this behaviour? write an essay to discuss about the reasons and the cause of the topic.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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