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Nowadays many young people are going to other countries for their future. What are the reasons for it? How it will be in 30 years?

Nowadays many young people are going to other countries for their future. What are the reasons for it? How it will be in 30 years? BJwW9
Currently a majority of young population are moving to other countries for their future life. In my opinion, having bad living conditions and lack of reasonable education or political system can be mentioned as the main reasons that induce the young to emigrate to other countries. Over the following 30 years, it will be reduced in some countries whilst others will be continuing to endure from those problems. Given some reasons I will clarify my points of view below. To begin with, the younger habitants of the countries having poor economical position are nowadays moe willing to escape their countries. Because a week economy leads, in turn, into a unbearable healthcare and nutrition situations, and also into strict unemployment issues, especially the young leave their country with the hope of better future life. Moreover, the countries ruling by fore or tyrany or providing bad education are facing these problems. For example, some African and Asian countries are strugling against consistent emigration of the young arised by reasons mentioned above. Moving into considering the close future, it will be possible for some countries to get rid of the crowded movement to other countries in 30 years. some Asian countries, for instance, are on the way to gain significant political and economical and also educational improvement. Measures taken seriously by those countries will allow the young population not to move in other countries for better future. However, on the other hand, 30 year time period will not be long enough to settle all of the problems for African countries which are far from a noticeable development, and there will be required much more time to be able to tackle those problems. To conclude, economical and political issues are now main forces that make the young go to other countries. However, it will be possible for some countries to keep youngers there while for others having extremely bad conditions will be nonsense in 30 years.
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Currently
a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life. In my opinion, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
living conditions and lack of reasonable education or political system can
be mentioned
as the main reasons that induce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to emigrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Over the following 30 years, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whilst others will be continuing to endure from those problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons I will clarify my points of view below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the younger habitants of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
having poor
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
position are nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
moe
willing to escape their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a week economy leads, in turn, into
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unbearable healthcare and nutrition situations, and
also
into strict unemployment issues,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the hope of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life.
Moreover
, the
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countries
ruling by fore or
Possible spelling mistake found.
tyrany
or providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
education are facing these problems.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African and Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
strugling
against consistent emigration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "arose", the past tense form of the verb 'arise'?
arised
by reasons mentioned above.

Moving into considering the close
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future
, it will be possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the crowded movement to
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in 30 years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
for instance
, are on the way to gain significant political and economical and
also
educational improvement. Measures taken
seriously
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, on the
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other
hand, 30
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year
time period will not be long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to settle
Consider using "all the".
all of the
problems for African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are far from a noticeable development, and there will
be required
much more time to be able to tackle those problems.

To conclude
, economical and political issues are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
main forces that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, it will be possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
there while for others having
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions will be nonsense in 30 years.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many young people are going to other countries for their future. What are the reasons for it? How it will be in 30 years?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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