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do the advantages of going abroad outweigh its disadvantages??

do the advantages of going abroad outweigh its disadvantages? ? g5W8a
It is generally believed that shifting to foreign countries proves beneficial for the individuals. In my opinion, staying abroad has many advantages in terms of economy and education of children. The advantages of shifting abroad is manifold, as people have more job opportunities in the foreign countries. For instance, if we compare the income of doctors in our country compared with United Kingdom or United States of America, they earn many times more which adds to the job satisfaction as well. Moreover, they have respect in public due to the adequate implementation of law, which is not the case in our country. In addition, there are better educational prospects in west in the form of higher education and better universities for children. The disadvantages of staying abroad may be the lack of family life and the difficulty in upbringing of children, but in my opinion this can be counteracted by taking along the parents as well. Moreover, people believe that this leads to brain drain from the country as all skillful and highly educated will leave the country for better prospects. It is a huge setback for the country, but, in my opinion, these people are not only earning for themselves, they will highlight name of country and send money to loved ones which adds to the economy. In my opinion, working abroad is not only good for the individual in the form of monetary benefits and better education of children but also for the country as the foreign currency sent by the person plays an important part in the economy of his native country. In conclusion, moving to foreign countries should be encouraged whether it is for education or job purposes because of the multiple benefits it provides.
It is
generally
believed that shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
proves beneficial for the individuals. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages in terms of economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of children.

The advantages of shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is manifold, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more job opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, if we compare the income of doctors in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
compared
A determiner is probably missing here: "with the United Kingdom".
with United Kingdom
or United States of America, they earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times more which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the job satisfaction
as well
.
Moreover
, they have respect in public due to the adequate implementation of law, which is not the case in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
educational prospects in west in the form of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
universities for children.

The disadvantages of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may be the lack of family life and the difficulty in upbringing of children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
this can
be counteracted
by taking along the parents
as well
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this leads to brain drain from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as all skillful and
highly
educated will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prospects. It is a huge setback for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earning for themselves, they will highlight name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the economy.

In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the individual in the form of monetary benefits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
currency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
by the person plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the economy of his native country.

In conclusion
, moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be encouraged
whether it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or job purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the multiple benefits it provides.
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IELTS essay do the advantages of going abroad outweigh its disadvantages? ?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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