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Nowadays, many workers have full-time jobs with extremely hectic schedules.

Nowadays, many workers have full-time jobs with extremely hectic schedules. This caused them to have a significantly narrow space for entertainment activities. This essay will argue why the disadvantages of this phenomenon eclipse the possible advantages as it will ultimately lead to a great deal of stress on people and lower their productivity in the long-term. Initially, if people do not have breaks from their jobs, they will be more vulnerable to pressure. In other words, employees must have spare time where they can relieve stress and enjoy recreational activities. This because without proper leisure time, people will collapse from constant pressure. This will naturally lead to psychological disorders and poor mental health. This was highlighted by the World Health Organization, where it was reported that more than 60% of Wallstreet employees who have relatively no time for entertainment activities fall victim to psychological disorders as a result of the vicious work pressure cycle. Furthermore, employees who do not have time for leisure activity have relatively lower production rates. This is clear when they are compared to their counterparts who have spare time for relaxation and pressure relief. According to a survey by Bloomberg magazine, in Google company, employees have plenty of time for leisure activities which resulted in a significant increase in their productivity and a noticeable improvement in their mental state. In conclusion, while long working hours may reflect more dedication and devotion to the job, it certainly has many pernicious implications on workers' mental health and productivity in the long term. This will run the risk of employees to either quit their jobs or become less competent.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers have full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with
extremely
hectic schedules. This caused them to have a
significantly
narrow space for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will argue why the disadvantages of this phenomenon eclipse the possible advantages as it will
ultimately
lead to a great deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and lower their productivity in the long-term.

Initially
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have breaks from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they will be more vulnerable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have spare
It is better to use ‘time’ with the time-relative pronoun ‘when’: “time when”. (Alternatively, use ‘in/on which’)
time where
they can relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enjoy recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without proper leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will collapse from constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
. This will
naturally
lead to psychological disorders and poor mental health.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
was highlighted
by the World Health Organization, where it
was reported
that more than 60% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wallstreet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have
relatively
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
fall victim to psychological disorders
as a result
of the vicious work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
cycle.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
have
relatively
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: “lowed”, “lowered”.
lower
production rates. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
when they
are compared
to their counterparts who have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
relief. According to a survey by Bloomberg magazine, in Google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which resulted in a significant increase in their productivity and a noticeable improvement in their mental state.

In conclusion
, while long working hours may reflect more dedication and devotion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it
certainly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pernicious implications on workers' mental health and productivity in the long term. This will run the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to either quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or become less competent.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many workers have full-time jobs with extremely hectic schedules.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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