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Nowadays, many professionals are leaving their underdeveloped  countries to a better developed one in pursuit of better life conditions Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many professionals are leaving their underdeveloped countries to a better developed one in pursuit of better life conditions Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? p1x7y
Presently, the majority of specialists are leaving their downward developed countries to a higher level of advanced ones in pursuit of reasonable life circumstances. While, certain disadvantages do pertain to authorities leave their countries the advantages are far more significant to consider. On the one hand, the high level of relinquishing from the country emerges to have some impediments. The prominent one is that the deduction of cultured people who leave the country. These civilians are the configuration of the government. They have huge effects on education, industry, culture which are the main aptitude for countries. Consequently, the government misses their potential in those sectors. Another point to argue is that this process has also an effect on the population of the amount of the country. For example, many professionals tend to live or go to another country hence the several industry sectors linger the anxiety of staff inadequacy. On the other hand, the advantages of living in developed countries are far greater. Above all, the professionals who leave their underdeveloped countries for any intentions can achieve their goals quickly rather than stay and live their governments. As a result, it is possible to promptly improve in the advanced governments. In my opinion, studying in progressive countries has a marvelous affair on our life and experience because the developed countries replenish the latest supplements and methods in the sector of education. Furthermore, this process might be also a stunning effect on underdeveloped states. For instance, when the professionals return to their countries again they can share their experiences and knowledge in their countries thus this can be a considerable outgrowth to enhance their high living standards in their governments. In conclusion, also some troubles might be attributed with the matures tend to live or go to other countries, I hold the view that the advantages are more specific to assess.
Presently
, the majority of specialists are leaving their downward developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to a higher level of advanced ones in pursuit of reasonable life circumstances.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, certain disadvantages do pertain to authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the advantages are far more significant to consider.

On the one hand, the high level of relinquishing from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
emerges to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impediments.

The prominent one is that the deduction of cultured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. These civilians are the configuration of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

They have huge effects on education, industry, culture which are the main aptitude for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
misses their potential in those sectors. Another point to argue is that this process has
also
an effect on the population of the amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or go to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
hence
the several industry sectors linger the anxiety of staff inadequacy.

On the other hand
, the advantages of living in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are far greater.
Above all
, the professionals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for any intentions can achieve their goals
quickly
rather
than stay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
As a result
, it is possible to
promptly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In my opinion, studying in progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has a marvelous affair on our life and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
replenish the latest supplements and methods in the sector of education.
Furthermore
, this process might be
also
a stunning effect on underdeveloped states.
For instance
, when the professionals return to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
again they can share their experiences and knowledge in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
thus
this can be a considerable outgrowth to enhance their high living standards in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In conclusion
,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles might
be attributed
with the matures tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or go to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, I hold the view that the advantages are more specific to assess.

IELTS essay Nowadays, many professionals are leaving their underdeveloped countries to a better developed one in pursuit of better life conditions Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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