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Nowadays, many people use to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation why might this be cause? what could be the disadvantages of being self employed? v.1

Nowadays, many people use to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation why might this be cause? what could be the disadvantages of being self employed? v. 1
By far most of the people have to do some paid work to earn their bread and butter and meet the needs of their lives. The extent to which someone is satisfied with his job contributes to his mental health and general well being. In my opinion, the aptitude of the working person for his appointment as well as the financial outcomes are the key determinants of job satisfaction. I believe that it is not realistic to consider that every person would be contented to the same level for his or her duty. Aptitude of a person is extremely important while selecting a profession because choosing a career without it would result in a constant stress on the mind of the professional. In other words, one would always remain dissatisfied with his work because he or she would not be able do justice to it. To illustrate an example of a doctor, it would be extremely difficult for someone to be up at midnight, leaving the family behind, to see an emergency in the hospital if he or she does not have an aptitude to do so. Another important factor is the financial outcomes of professionals from their duty. To put it another way, if people would not get enough money to meet their needs, the place would always remain dis-satisfactory for them and they would always be looking for a better one. For instance, many engineers and doctors, despite having an aptitude for their work, are always looking for a better option to switch when they are not getting enough in return. Not all in a workplace would get the same level of pleasure and peace of mind from their position, because of a difference in their needs and expectations from it. For example, one may not be qualified enough to select a career of his choice and may be working there as a compulsion. Secondly, all the workers never get the same salaries in any institution, and it would result in dis-satisfaction among those who are paid less. Finally, the working environment of a place may not suit all the persons to the same level, leading to a discomfort for them. To conclude, I firmly believe that Aptitude and a good salary are essential for everyone to be happy from his job and not everyone can achieve this goal in any workplace because of their different personalities and requirements.
By far most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
paid work to earn their bread and butter and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The extent to which someone
is satisfied
with his job contributes to his mental health and general
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aptitude
of the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for his appointment
as well
as the financial outcomes are the key determinants of job satisfaction. I believe that it is not realistic to consider that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would
be contented
to the same level for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
duty.

Aptitude of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
while selecting a profession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
choosing a career without it would result in a constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the mind of the professional.
In other words
, one would always remain dissatisfied with his work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she would not be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'do'.
able do
justice to it. To illustrate an example of a doctor, it would be
extremely
difficult for someone to be up at midnight, leaving the family behind, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an emergency in the hospital if he or she does not have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aptitude
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is the financial outcomes of professionals from their duty. To put it another way, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs, the place would always remain dis-satisfactory for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they would always be looking for a better one.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
engineers and doctors, despite having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aptitude
for their work, are always looking for a better option to switch when they are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in return.

Not all in a workplace would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same level of pleasure and peace of mind from their position,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a difference in their needs and expectations from it.
For example
, one may not
be qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to select a career of his choice and may be working there as a compulsion.
Secondly
, all the workers never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same salaries in any institution, and it would result in dis-satisfaction among those who
are paid
less.
Finally
, the working environment of a place may not suit all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to the same level, leading to a discomfort for them.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Aptitude
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary are essential for everyone to be happy from his job and not everyone can achieve this goal in any workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities and requirements.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people use to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation why might this be cause? what could be the disadvantages of being self employed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
401 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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