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Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. pW99
There are several reasons why people love going abroad. However, I agree with those who feel that going overseas could bring adverse effects to destination countries for two main reasons. On the one hand, visiting other countries could give a wide variety of new experiences to tourists who are seeking for joy. To begin with, it could lead to some environmental issues to destination countries. For instance, in Bali, there are a lot of damaged coral reefs in its beach because some sea divers only keen to take a picture of beautiful sea creatures without paying attention to the habitat. Furthermore, some domestic societies are eager to learn more about visitors’ culture in order to earn more money, that said they tend to adapt the culture without recognizing good or bad side towards their culture. For example, Balinese are now very welcome to any kinds of parties, in spite of their religious traditions. The elderly sees this as a decreasing of identity. Despite the disadvantage to tourist destinations, I believe there are some tips that will be great to be applied. Firstly, destination countries should take strict rules to those who do harm in their area. For instance, there are some communities in Bali that attract foreign people to cultivate more coral reefs so that the habitat lasts longer and the next generation might see the fascinating of Bali beach. Secondly, the locals need to conserve their traditional culture so that the foreigners will be impressed and will revisit them someday. For example, there is a unique tradition named ‘Karapan Sapi’ that is held every August in Madura. The governments often make announcement about it through their IG, official website, and other platforms in order to maintain their tradition and attract more visitors to come. To conclude, not only will foreigner visitors cause some natural damages, but they also will influence the locals’ culture in a negative perception cause of different insights. I, therefore, remain firmly convinced that travelling potentially cause drawbacks to destination countries.
There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
going abroad.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who feel that going overseas could bring adverse effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for two main reasons.

On the one hand, visiting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could give a wide variety of new experiences to tourists who are seeking for joy. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental issues to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, in Bali, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
damaged coral reefs in its beach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sea divers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
keen to take a picture of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sea creatures without paying attention to the habitat.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
domestic societies are eager to learn more about visitors’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in order to earn more money, that said they tend to adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
without recognizing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, Balinese are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
welcome to any kinds of parties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their religious traditions. The elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
this as a decreasing of identity.

Despite the disadvantage to tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destinations
, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips that will be great to
be applied
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to those who do harm in their area.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities in Bali that attract foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to cultivate more coral reefs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the habitat lasts longer and the
next
generation might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the fascinating of Bali beach.
Secondly
, the locals need to conserve their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the foreigners will
be impressed
and will revisit them someday.
For example
, there is a unique tradition named ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karapan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sapi
’ that
is held
every August in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Madura
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
announcement about it through their IG, official website, and other platforms in order to maintain their tradition and attract more visitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

To conclude
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will foreigner visitors cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural damages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
will influence the locals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
perception cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
insights. I,
therefore
, remain
firmly
convinced that travelling
potentially
cause drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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