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Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other diseases. Some suggest increasing cost of medical services.

Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other diseases. Some suggest increasing cost of medical services. kLr7n
Fat layer of people is increasing year by year as well as others too. I will provide two solutions are effective to solve obesity problems that in further paragraphs. There are several ways to avoid overweight disease. One of them is run early morning. Therefore Government officials for this problem. This is because they should organise various sport games that are related running or walking such as running tournament or football as well as they should give a price to winners. Thereby, tendency is appears people to sport. If Government officials give easiness from taxes to bussinessmen, they should organize several sport tournaments. Then Government must not have to take all responsibilities on its shoulder. Furthermore, we should to get rid of from asthma with air pollution in large industrial cities. Most people are suffering asthmatic disease in crowded cities where degree of air pollution is very high. We should decrease air pollution with plant many trees and growth them. This way very effective to solve this problem as well as trees are very good purifiers. Korean scientists' opinion plant trees on roof of higher buildings is very useful to improve air pollution's degree. This is because they haven't got any place to plant trees other than roofs. But we can decrease of air pollution with plant trees on open places. In conclusion, people are suffering asthma and obesity but solve of these problems are very easy with my opinions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fat
layer of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing year by year
as well
as others too. I will provide two solutions are effective to solve obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that in
further
paragraphs. There are several ways to avoid overweight disease. One of them
is run
early morning.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
officials for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
various sport games that
are related
running or walking such as running tournament or football
as well
as they should give a price to winners. Thereby, tendency is appears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sport. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
officials give easiness from taxes to
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussinessmen
, they should
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organize' and 'organise') within a single text.
organize
several sport tournaments. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take all responsibilities on its shoulder.
Furthermore
, we should to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of from asthma with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in large industrial cities. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering asthmatic disease in crowded cities where degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. We should decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
and growth them. This way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
purifiers. Korean scientists' opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
on roof of higher buildings is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution's degree. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
any place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
other than roofs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
on open places.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering asthma and obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
solve of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy with my opinions.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people suffer from obesity and other diseases. Some suggest increasing cost of medical services.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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