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: Nowadays many people spend too much their time on shopping malls. Some people fear that this has negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree of disagree? v.1

: Nowadays many people spend too much their time on shopping malls. Some people fear that this has negative effects on young people and the society they live in. v. 1
There is sufficient evidence to infer that in recent years, people have a tendency to consume a great deal of time on shopping malls. While this trend has certain positive impacts, I believe that it has more disadvantageous influences on the young generation and the community. From my perspective, there are several valuable effects on the young citizens and the society. Firstly, it is undeniable that this trend can make a contribution to increase the wealth of the government, followed by boosting the market’s revenue. Only by setting the habit of purchasing products on shopping malls, can customers facilitate the highly beneficial income on the economy of the country. Secondly, it is clear that shopping malls are the destinations which provide a wide range of food and high-quality products. Therefore, they are not only convenient places to purchase, but also places can easily gain the credence of consumers. On the other hand, it is obvious that this tendency has a myriad of detrimental consequences, which outweigh its advantageous outcomes. Firstly, while youngsters waste a huge of their time on shopping malls, it is no doubt that they will lack time for several valuable aspects of their life, such as education or entertainment purposes. Secondly, these days, young customers have no clear idea about what they should buy before going to the shopping malls, which lead to the regular situation that they purchase certain products without careful consideration. Hence, it may constitute the rising popularity of food wastage in the case of the fact that young consumers store a great variety of unnecessary food and this critical issue needs to be taken into consideration in certain nations. In conclusion, whether detrimental influences of this trend outweigh its profitable impacts is a controversial issue but I would argue that it has more disadvantageous outcomes.
There is sufficient evidence to infer that in recent years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to consume a great deal of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. While this trend has certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts, I believe that it has more disadvantageous influences on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation and the community.

From my perspective, there are several valuable effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens and the society.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that this trend can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to increase the wealth of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, followed by boosting the market’s revenue.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by setting the habit of purchasing products on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, can customers facilitate the
highly
beneficial income on the economy of the country.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are the destinations which provide a wide range of food and high-quality products.
Therefore
, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
convenient places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
places can
easily
gain the credence of consumers.

On the other hand
, it is obvious that this tendency has a myriad of detrimental consequences, which outweigh its advantageous outcomes.
Firstly
, while youngsters waste
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, it is no doubt that they will lack time for several valuable aspects of their life, such as education or entertainment purposes.
Secondly
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
customers have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, which lead to the regular situation that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
certain products without careful consideration.
Hence
, it may constitute the rising popularity of food wastage in the case of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
consumers store a great variety of unnecessary food and this critical issue needs to
be taken
into consideration in certain nations.

In conclusion
, whether detrimental influences of this trend outweigh its profitable impacts is a controversial issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would argue that it has more disadvantageous outcomes.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay : Nowadays many people spend too much their time on shopping malls. Some people fear that this has negative effects on young people and the society they live in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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