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Nowadays, many people receive prescriptions of medication regularly. What are the causes of this trend? What consequences can this have for a person? v.1

Nowadays, many people receive prescriptions of medication regularly. What are the causes of this trend? What consequences can this have for a person? v. 1
Many people today are likely to over take prescription drugs. The driving forces behind this issue are increased concern for a person’s health and doctors who prescribe medicine unnecessarily to earn more money. This trend, however, might lead to several detrimental effects; people may become accustomed to certain medicine and neglect the importance of a healthy diet. People take medicine more as they become interested in their health. Nowadays, people have more concern about their physical conditions and are relatively acute to medical issues compared to the past. This change in the attitude towards health is beneficial to some extent; however, it also makes people vulnerable to a misbelief that we need medicine to be healthy. Parents, for example, are usually interested in their children’s well-being and try to gather much information. This causes them to be excessively sensitive to children’s little cough and fear unlikely aliments, finally taking them to see a doctor. Doctors are also responsible for the issue as they tend to prescribe medicine too easily. Some of them take advantage of the patients’ fear and their lack of knowledge to give unnecessary medicine, thus, earning more money. Such phenomena are easily found in Korea; doctors in the country threaten people to believe their words by giving medicine and force them to come to the hospital continuously although the drugs are useless to those with mild symptoms. When it comes to the effects, over taking of medicine might have negative impact on a person’s diet. Relying on medicine too heavily can cause people to ignore the importance of balanced diet. Eating healthy foods and taking various nutrition from them is the first step to be healthy; however, some people trust medicine blindly and don’t give careful attention to their food. This can be harmful and increase the potential of several chronic diseases like eating disorders and diabetes in the long run. Resistance to a drug is another serious problem. Once people become accustomed to certain medicine, they have to take much stronger medicine to relieve a similar level of symptom. Such medicine as antibiotics, one of the well known kind of medicine causes resistance, are proven to bring down the ability of immune system and lead to several side effects like nausea. In conclusion, taking much prescription medicine is caused by people’s excessive interest in their health and some doctor’s desire to earn money. This can lead to negative effects as people might turn away from keeping healthy diet and they can be exposed to the danger of being resistant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are likely to over take prescription drugs. The driving forces behind this issue
are increased
concern for a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
who prescribe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
unnecessarily
to earn more money. This trend,
however
, might lead to several detrimental effects;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may become accustomed to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and neglect the importance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they become interested in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more concern about their physical conditions and are
relatively
acute to medical issues compared to the past. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent;
however
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vulnerable to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
misbelief
that we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Parents,
for example
, are
usually
interested in their children’s well-being and try to gather much information. This causes them to be
excessively
sensitive to children’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
cough and fear unlikely aliments,
finally
taking them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
are
also
responsible for the issue as they tend to prescribe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
too
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them take advantage of the patients’ fear and their lack of knowledge to give unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
,
thus
, earning more money. Such phenomena are
easily
found in Korea;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in the country threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe their words by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the hospital
continuously
although the drugs are useless to those with mild symptoms.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the effects, over taking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a person’s diet. Relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
too
heavily
can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of balanced diet. Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
foods and taking various nutrition from them is the
first
step to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
blindly
and don’t give careful attention to their food. This can be harmful and increase the potential of several chronic diseases like eating disorders and diabetes in the long run. Resistance to a drug is another serious problem. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become accustomed to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take much stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to relieve a similar level of symptom. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
as antibiotics, one of the well known kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
causes resistance,
are proven
to bring down the ability of immune system and lead to several side effects like nausea.

In conclusion
, taking much prescription
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
excessive interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor’s
desire to earn money. This can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might turn away from keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diet and
they can
be exposed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of being resistant.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people receive prescriptions of medication regularly. What are the causes of this trend? What consequences can this have for a person? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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