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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v.8

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 8
There is no exception that computers these days are the most widely used device by many either for work or fun-based activities and it is quite apparent that many children use it for playing games. This essay will discuss some of the problems caused due to excessive usage of computers on children and propose some solutions which might help to minimize them. To embark on, The first and foremost cause of concern is that it troubles the eyes. This is because the computer screen emits the harmful radiations which directly affects the eyesight and leads to the problem of unclear vision. For instance, a child who plays computer games for an overlong period might have to wear spectacles at a very young age. To alleviate this problem, parents must be required to install the screen protector glasses on a computer screen and control their children to overuse the computers. This should result in protecting the eyes of offspring and will not deteriorate their health. Another point of concern is that it affects their academic studies. In other words, children get addicted to games so much that they are unable to concentrate on other important subjects such as mathematics, science, because of this they secure lower scores in their exams. To illustrate this, the UK university board surveyed students and found that 60% of them are unable to secure good marks in their academic subjects. Dealing with this issue requires parents to put a control on using computers for their child’s daily activities. They should be given a fixed amount of time to spend on leisure activities, studies, and outdoor fun games which is equally important. In conclusion, two of the main problems which are caused by using a computer by children is that it affects their eyesight and academic grades. However, parents should use the screen protective glasses for the computer screen and control their children to spend less time on computers and more on studies.
There is no exception that computers these days are the most
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
device by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
either for work or fun-based activities and it is quite apparent that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused due to excessive usage of computers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to minimize them.

To embark on, The
first
and foremost cause of concern is that it troubles the eyes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
emits the harmful radiations which
directly
affects the eyesight and leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of unclear vision.
For instance
, a child who plays computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for an overlong period might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear spectacles at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. To alleviate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be required
to install the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
protector glasses on a computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to overuse the computers. This should result in protecting the eyes of offspring and will not deteriorate their health.

Another point of concern is that it affects their academic studies.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they are unable to concentrate on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects such as mathematics, science,
because of this
they secure lower scores in their exams. To illustrate this, the UK university board surveyed students and found that 60% of them are unable to secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in their academic subjects. Dealing with this issue requires parents to put a control on using computers for their child’s daily activities. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
amount of time to spend on leisure activities, studies, and outdoor fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, two of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
are caused
by using a computer by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that it affects their eyesight and academic grades.
However
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
protective glasses for the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend less time on computers and more on studies.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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