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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v.7

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 7
Access to computers has increased significantly over recent decades, and the number of children who play games on computers has increased too moreover computer games have attracted numerous young players. Playing computer games will give us a sense of satisfaction and make us laugh to some extent however all of these positive effects are not permanent. Playing these games for a long time can lose our vision slowly and which will be harmful to the brain, especially for young children. For example, most of the children are crazier about playing video games and this due to change the personality of these children. They will affect their subconscious mind and be convinced by the type of warrior characters and exciting types of games in the real-world should hit them. In order to minimize these negative impacts, Families should have to follow certain principles. Firstly, most video games assessed according to their content and age range thus permeants must check this and ensure their children are not allowed to have access to unsuitable games. Parents should limit the time their children spending playing computer games and replace them with other activities such as music, sport, clubs need encouragement for children; therefore they can forget about computer games. Finally, parents should also take an active interest in the games their children are playing so they can find out how they feel about what they are observing. In conclusion, it must be said that it is difficult to find a solution to this issue. Isolation and violence are the principal results of playing computer games and this can be tackle throughput rule by governments to prevent games in computer, family-specific time with children and observe their children
Access to computers has increased
significantly
over recent decades, and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers has increased too
moreover
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have attracted numerous young players.

Playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will give us a sense of satisfaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us laugh to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
however
all of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects are not permanent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long time can lose our vision
slowly
and which will be harmful to the brain,
especially
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are crazier about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and this due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the personality of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They will affect their subconscious mind and
be convinced
by the type of warrior characters and exciting types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the real-world should hit them.

In order to minimize these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, Families should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow certain principles.
Firstly
, most video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
assessed according to their content and age range
thus
Possible spelling mistake found.
permeants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
this and ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have access to unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Parents should limit the time their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and replace them with other activities such as music, sport, clubs need encouragement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
therefore
they can forget about computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Finally
, parents should
also
take an active interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can find out how they feel about what they are observing.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that it is difficult to find a solution to this issue. Isolation and violence are the principal results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and this can be tackle throughput
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in computer, family-specific time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and observe their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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