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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects. v.10

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects. v. 10
It is a fact that in today's world, millions of people get access to computers, widely because which are known as user-friendly devices. Also, a dramatic number of youngsters today are enraptured with computer games. This essay will show off some drawbacks when playing games too much and propose several viable solutions to tackle this issue. One of the foremost problems which will happen if children play games too much is poor study. Specifically, nowadays it can be seen in some developing countries that there are many students dedicating their time to enjoy the games. As a result, this will have knock-on effects on their academic excellence. In addition to this, living in a sedentary way is another problem which games engender to our generation. Clearly, they will have a tendency to be swamped with games all day rather than doing outdoor activities like playing sports for example. Consequently, this will affect directly to not only their lifestyle, but also their standards of health. In other words, game addiction frequently makes their study quality worsen and also force them to have a sedentary lifestyle. To matter this, parents need to keep an eye on their own children, pay attention to their actions and also supervise them strictly in order to minimize the bad effects of games on their generation. Moreover, it is significantly necessary that local governments should cooperate with schools with a view to organizing some outdoor and extracurricular activities for children to participate in. This will help children do away with games. To conclude, game addiction has several detrimental effects on not only children's study quality, but also their standards of life. However, there are also some certain solutions to curtail this by parents and local government as well as school actions.
It is a fact that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to computers,
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
which
are known
as user-friendly devices.
Also
, a dramatic number of youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are enraptured
with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks when playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
too much and propose several viable solutions to tackle this issue.

One of the foremost problems which will happen if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
too much is poor study.
Specifically
, nowadays it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students dedicating their time to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, this will have knock-on effects on their academic excellence.
In addition
to this, living
Consider replacing "in a sedentary way" with the adverb for "sedentary"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a sedentary way
is another problem which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
engender to our generation.
Clearly
, they will have a tendency to
be swamped
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all day
rather
than doing outdoor activities like playing sports
for example
.
Consequently
, this will affect
directly
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their standards of health.
In other words
, game addiction
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their study quality worsen and
also
force them to have a sedentary lifestyle.

To matter this, parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, pay attention to their actions and
also
supervise them
strictly
in order to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on their generation.
Moreover
, it is
significantly
necessary that local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should cooperate with schools with a view to organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor and extracurricular activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do away with games.

To conclude
, game addiction has several detrimental effects on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
children's study quality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their standards of life.
However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain solutions to curtail this by parents and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as school actions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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