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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v.21

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 21
The growing competitive world has been drastically changed the mankind mindset. However, some people think that it would be better to start their own business instead of doing jobs. The essay will discuss about the reasons for such diversity and what are the detrimental impact of it on an individual in the following paragraph. To begin with, the predominant reason that people prefer to embark their own company despite job is that is increased job responsibility and less salary. In today’s competitive era, most of the companies are giving more responsibility to the employ. As a result, the individual must have to work for a longer hour; this will give them less free time where they relax. Having a less spare time affects the person’s mental and physical growth as well. For instance, research conducted shows that many IT employees are suffering from stress due to the high pressure of their work, they start to drink alcohol to get released from this. Moreover, the person is starting to suffer from health issues such as stress. On the other hand, there are few demerits that person must have to suffer from by introducing their own firm. The major detrimental point is that in the today’s market, innumerable of business are working, so it would become difficult to survive. Even this will also demand to give a more focus and to run this create a dynamic personality who will have to manage all responsibilities such as technical and nontechnical as well. Although this will provide an atmosphere where one should develop their skills, this will need an ample amount of money to start a local company. For instance, to start your own structure gives not only the flexibility but, inculcating the new responsibilities. In conclusion, every side of the coin has the two-part same manner in the former view by working in the organization gives stressful life and by starting own business raise the responsibilities and provide an atmosphere where one should grow their skills. This will totally depend on individual how they think.
The growing competitive world has been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the mankind mindset.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
instead
of doing jobs. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
reasons for such diversity and what are the detrimental impact of it on an individual in the following paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to embark their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
despite job is that
is increased
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and less salary. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive era, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to the employ.
As a result
, the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for a longer hour; this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them less free
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they relax. Having a less spare time affects the person’s mental and physical growth
as well
.
For instance
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
IT employees are suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to the high pressure of their work, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to drink alcohol to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
released from this.
Moreover
, the person is starting to suffer from health issues such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, there are few demerits that person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from by introducing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
firm. The major detrimental point is that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s market, innumerable of business are working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would become difficult to survive. Even this will
also
demand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a more focus and to run
The verb 'create' is plural. Did you mean: "this creates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this create
a dynamic personality who will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
such as technical and nontechnical
as well
. Although this will provide an atmosphere where one should develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, this will need an ample amount of money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
structure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the flexibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, inculcating the new responsibilities.

In conclusion
, every side of the coin has the two-part same manner in the former view by working in the organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
stressful life and by starting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and provide an atmosphere where one should grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This will
totally
depend on individual how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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