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Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
Household goods are necessary equipments to purchase to make better lifestyle in terms of saving the time, easy operation of many equipments and so on. These days, many people are buying this sort of equipments to achieve their objectives. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both scenarios on this matter. Buying household equipments are very positive in terms of having helpful or knowledgeable items like television, Iron, Rice cooker and so on. Especially smart television keeps us up to date with the current affairs of the country or any breaking news. For example, In third world countries, People get used to know when there will be no electricity in their neighbourhood with the help of news being aired on a television or a radio. Furthermore, Negative development of these goods can be taken as if a person throughout a day watches only television resulting wasting their precious time instead of doing any kind of productive work. In this scenario, there are many negative factors like a television can be helpful in getting updates of terrorist activity while being involved in that activity. For instance, In Pakistan, some terrorists are found to be getting up to date situation information after watching the local and international news channel resulting difficult to catch them. To sum up, Having household items is very beneficial to make a life simpler. However, it depends on the people how they use these mediums either for the betterment of the society or to plan something terrible for the society.
Household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better lifestyle in terms of saving the time, easy operation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are buying this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
to achieve their objectives. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both scenarios on this matter.

Buying household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in terms of having helpful or knowledgeable items like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, Iron, Rice cooker and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Especially
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us up to date with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs of the country or any breaking news.
For example
, In third world countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to know when there will be no electricity in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of news
being aired
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or a radio.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Negative
development of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can
be taken
as if a person throughout a day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
resulting wasting their precious time
instead
of doing any kind of productive work. In this scenario, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be helpful in getting updates of terrorist activity while
being involved
in that activity.
For instance
, In Pakistan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrorists
are found
to be getting up to date situation information after watching the local and international news channel resulting difficult to catch them.

To sum up, Having household items is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a life simpler.
However
, it depends on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these mediums either for the betterment of the society or to plan something terrible for the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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