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Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest? KKpL
These days, majority of people wants to make a balance between their work and other situations but there are few people who are able to achieve it. I shall discuss several problems which people can face regarding to maintain the balance between their work or other aspects of life and the solutions to sort out the problems. To begin with, there are many reasons why people do not able to maintain a balance between their work or their other situations. Firstly, these days people are more greedy and they always wants to do work for a longer hours only to get more money. For instance, In India, there is no any restriction of working hours and people do more work in their working hours and also they do part time work in their leisure time just for earning more money. So due to this, individuals are not able to spend their time with their family or also for other purpose. Thats why, people face problems to maintain their balance between their work or others purpose of their life. Furthermore, there are many solution to sort out the problems of people. First of all, government should make restrictions on more working hours. Therefore, people do their work for a limited hours then they will able to contribute more time for their other purposes. Secondly, people should not become more greedy only for getting money, However, if they manage their time and resources in a proper way then they can enjoy their other aspects of their life. In conclusion, no doubt people have a busy schedule in their life due to overwork But there are some other situation where people required to maintain a balance in their work
These days, majority of
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people
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
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balance
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
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other
situations
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but
there are few
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people
who are
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able
to achieve it. I shall discuss several problems which
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people
can face
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
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maintain
the
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balance
between their
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work
or
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other
aspects of life and the solutions to sort out the problems.

To
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begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
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people
do not
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able
to
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maintain
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or their other

situations.
Firstly
, these days
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people
are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
greedy and
they always
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
to do
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work
for a longer
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hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money.
For instance
, In India, there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any restriction of working
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hours
and
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people
do more
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work
in their working
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hours
and
also
they do part
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time
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work
in their leisure
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time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for earning more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
due to this, individuals are not
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able
to spend their
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time
with their family or
also
for
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other
purpose.
Possible spelling mistake found
Thats
why,
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people
face problems to
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maintain
their
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balance
between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or others purpose of their life.

Furthermore
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun solution seems to be countable; consider using: "many solutions".
many solution
to sort out the problems of
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people
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
restrictions on more working
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hours
.
Therefore
,
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people
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
then they will
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able
to contribute more
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time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes.
Secondly
,
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people
should not become more greedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for getting money,
However
, if they manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and resources
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
then they can enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of their life.

In conclusion
, no doubt
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people
have a busy schedule in their life due to overwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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other
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situation
where
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people
required to
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maintain
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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