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Nowadays, many movies and games contain a lot of violence. Some people believe that argue that such games and movies have a negative influence on children and so, these games and films should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays, many movies and games contain a lot of violence. Some people believe that argue that such games and movies have a negative influence on children and so, these games and films should be banned. with this view? 3M2En
Nowadays, most of the people like to watch movies on weekends in theatre, and most of the children love to play online games more rather than playing outdoor games like Cricket, Kabbadi etc. A lot of violence prevalent in numerous games and movies. Number of people believe that children are influenced by it. Therefore, the Government should prohibit such games and movies. I agree on this view as it affects the children and their mental health. To begin with, games and films containing violence have bad effects on children as it causes problems with children’s behaviour as well as mental health. Firstly, young children get influenced by such games and films. Sometimes it leads them to major issues. For example, a T. V. show named ‘Shaktimaan’ had great success in past decade. It considered as the India’s first and the best superhero serial that time. But, children got influenced by this show, and tried to imitate its risky stunts, and allegedly got hurt while trying to copy its dangerous exploits. Because of this reasons government banned this show. In addition to this, mental health is also affected by such games which contain brutality. For instance, pupils get addicted to these games and all the time they just talk and think about games like PUBG. Due to this, they behaves arrogantly and angrily sometimes. They might lose their concentration power, and because of this their academic suffer. Thus authorities should think about banning such games. On the other hand, adults and elder people can understand the significance of such games and movies. They are matured enough and can take care of themselves. They work everyday and because of their hectic schedule they do not get enough time. Therefor they do it in limitation and only for entertainment purpose. As a result, prohibiting games and movies, which prevalent violence, is not best solution. Instead of banning, the government should think about other ways for preventing children to get influenced. In conclusion, prohibition of games and films is not relevant solution as many adults play games and watch movies only for entertainment. However, this affects children badly if they do it excessively, and they might get injured or loss their life by imitating risky stunts as shown in films. Therefore, such games and films should banned for children for their betterment.
Nowadays, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on weekends in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more
rather
than playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like Cricket,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabbadi
etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
violence prevalent in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are influenced
by it.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should prohibit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this view as it affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their mental health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films containing violence have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it causes problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as mental health.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it leads them to major issues.
For example
, a T. V.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
named ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shaktimaan
’ had great success in past decade. It considered as the India’s
first
and the best superhero serial that time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
influenced by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, and tried to imitate its risky stunts, and allegedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hurt while trying to copy its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
exploits.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "reasons'" or "reason's"?
reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.

In addition
to this, mental health is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which contain brutality.
For instance
, pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and all the time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
talk and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like PUBG. Due to this, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "behave"
behaves
arrogantly
and
angrily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. They might lose their concentration power, and
because of this
their academic suffer.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about banning such games.

On the other hand
, adults and elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can understand the significance of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. They
are matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and can take care of themselves. They work
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic schedule they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time. Therefor they do it in limitation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertainment purpose.
As a result
, prohibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, which prevalent violence, is
A determiner is probably missing here: "not the best".
not best
solution.
Instead
of banning, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about other ways for preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced.

In conclusion
, prohibition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films is not relevant solution as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertainment.
However
, this affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
badly
if they do it
excessively
, and they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured or loss their life by imitating risky stunts as shown in films.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their betterment.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many movies and games contain a lot of violence. Some people believe that argue that such games and movies have a negative influence on children and so, these games and films should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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