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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? beL3
It is true that, nowadays, many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. People from different cultural background are connected with the others turning the world into a small village. In my opinion this combination is positive due to economy and culture. To begin with, Athens is a multicultural city with the Greek citizens, Russians, Turkish, Indians, Chinese and some other nations. This situation help the economy thought to rent apartment to them in different areas, to expand and not to leave together in the same neighborhood. By this, government can easily add to that neighbors some signs on their languages to help them to feel welcomed. For example, at the park where most of the children going with their parents is wonderful for the parent to something in their language and then to let their kid free to play with others. In addition, government should give to foreigners the same opportunities to them to feel conformable in the country. Furthermore, this prevent any tension because everyone is going to have the same handing. More specific, If you are in the subway and you want to get a ticket, you should stand to your line and not because of the foreigner to go first. One the other hand, some people claim that this is a disaster for a country. As much culture a country has, as much as loose their identity and uniqueness. In conclusion, I believe that people among different countries can leave together in a city harmony and peacefully, which a benefit for a city to have multicultural profile. ubjects enjoying their childhood with their friends.
It is true that, nowadays,
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cosmopolitan
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cities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural background
are connected
with the others turning the world into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village. In my opinion this combination is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
due to economy and culture.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Athens is a multicultural city with the Greek citizens, Russians, Turkish, Indians, Chinese and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other nations. This situation
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "helps".
help
the economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to rent apartment to them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas, to expand and not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
together in the same neighborhood. By this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to that neighbors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
signs on their languages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to feel welcomed.
For example
, at the park where most of the children going with their parents is wonderful for the parent to something in their language and then to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their kid free to play with others.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give to foreigners the same opportunities to them to feel conformable in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any tension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone is going to have the same handing. More specific, If you are in the subway and you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a ticket, you should stand to your line and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the foreigner to go
first
.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that this is a disaster for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As much culture a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has, as much as
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their identity and uniqueness.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
together in a city harmony and
peacefully
, which a benefit for a city to have multicultural profile.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ubjects
enjoying their childhood with their friends.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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