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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Y9dr
Nowadays, as globalization is preceeding, many cities are becoming more and more international and have many foreigners from all over the Earth. To make sure that these people can live together much better, the government should educate students about foreigners and make some towns for them. I think that the government has to make lots of efforts for them. Firstly, I think that the government needs to educate children about foreigners and make some efforts to break the stereotype or discrimination. For example, in South Korea, people tend to help whites more than blacks because of the old and wrong education which emphasized that whites helped them. However, now, there are many people who are blacks in Korea. So, blacks are also the same people who need to live together harmoniously. We need to give the same treatment to them. And I think that the best way to get rid of the stereotype and discrimination is giving the right concept and thinking to the children who will lead the country in the future. I think we need to provide or make some towns for foreigners to adjust to the totally new environment easily. Surely, there are some differences of the culture and food. So, I think we need to give opportunities to adjust of the living in the different nation and recommend them to try new culture. For example, in the United States, there is a Chinese town. There are a lot of Chinese foods and many Chinese people live there. Because the town’s culture is similar with China, Chinese people can live in the different country easily. I think providing similar environment to the foreigners is good for living together with them. In conclusion, there are many troubles with living in the different country because of the culture problem and the linguistic problem. So, I think we need to provide a good surrounding for foreigners.
Nowadays, as globalization is
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preceeding
,
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many
cities are becoming more and more international and have
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foreigners
from all over the Earth. To
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make
sure that these
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people
can
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live
together much better, the
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government
should educate students about
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foreigners
and
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make
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some
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towns
for them. I
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think
that the
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government
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has to
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make
lots of efforts for them.

Firstly
, I
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think
that the
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government
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needs
to educate children about
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foreigners
and
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make
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some
efforts to break the stereotype or discrimination.
For example
, in South Korea,
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people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
whites more than blacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
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old
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
education which emphasized that whites
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helped
them.
However
,
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now
, there are
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many
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people
who are blacks in Korea.
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So
, blacks are
also
the same
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people
who
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need
to
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live
together
harmoniously
. We
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need
to give the same treatment to them. And I
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think
that the best way to
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get
rid of the stereotype and discrimination is giving the right concept and thinking to the children who will lead the country in the future.

I
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think
we
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need
to provide or
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make
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some
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towns
for
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foreigners
to adjust to the
totally
new environment
easily
.
Surely
, there are
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some
differences of the
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culture
and food.
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So
, I
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think
we
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need
to give opportunities to adjust of the living in the
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different
nation and recommend them to try new
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culture
.
For example
, in the United States, there is a Chinese
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town
. There are
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a lot of
Chinese foods and
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many
Chinese
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people
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live
there.
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Because
the
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town’s
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culture
is similar with China, Chinese
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people
can
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live
in the
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different
country
easily
. I
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think
providing similar environment to the
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foreigners
is
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good
for living together with them.

In conclusion
, there are
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many
troubles with living in the
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different
country
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because
of the
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culture
problem and the linguistic problem.
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So
, I
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think
we
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need
to provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
surrounding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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