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Nowadays many celebrities is known more for their wealth than their achievements. do you agree or disagree

Nowadays many celebrities is known more for their wealth than their achievements. kxPyN
From my perspective, I partially agree with the statement that the fact that celebrities are known for wealth and luxury rather than talent is actually a bad influence on the younger generation. However, there are still some celebrities who are known for their talents and achievements. On the one hand, many people become famous by showing off their lavish, luxurious lives on social networking sites, but not because of their true talents. For one thing, there are people who do not perform well, sing well, dance not well, are superficial but they can still make a lot of money and become famous. This may make young people think that it is not necessary to study well and have good achievements to make money and be famous. From there, there will be misconceptions about the concept of learning and achievement. On the other hand, there are still many people who are known for their achievements or talents. These people show that there are still good performers who are sure to be known. The famous painter named Picaso was once a poor and unknown person, but thanks to his natural talent, he painted a masterpiece that many generations later still know about him. In conclusion, those who become popular by wealth and luxury lifes can only be famous for a short time, and true talents will be known even thousands of years later. Young people should not follow bad habit in the internet, instead they should learn from people who have excellent achievements to follow.
From my perspective, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that the fact that celebrities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
for wealth and luxury
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is actually a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on the younger generation.
However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and achievements.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
by showing off their lavish, luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on social networking sites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. For one thing, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, sing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, dance not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, are superficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not necessary to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. From there, there will be misconceptions about the concept of learning and achievement.

On the other hand
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
for their achievements or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that there are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are sure to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
painter named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Picaso
was once a poor and unknown person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to his natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, he painted a masterpiece that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
generations later
still
know about him.

In conclusion
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
become popular by wealth and luxury
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for a short time, and true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
even thousands of years later. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
,
instead
they should learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have excellent achievements to follow.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many celebrities is known more for their wealth than their achievements.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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