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how on you have earned, spent and saved money

how on you have earned, spent and saved money papyw
Money is not everything on the contrary it is something extremely valuable and necessary for the existence of each individual. In such a costly and competitive society and the world, no one of us can live without wage. Therefore, we need to have a smart and sustainable way of making wage. I amcurrentlymarried and have a baby girl. I live with my family consequently I don't demand to pay rent. Family living expenses fall between two million and two and a half million. I work as a teaching assistant for an English center, consequently I have a relatively stable salary. Due to the pandemic situation, I plan to earn extra income by selling online or translating. Due to the fact if we want to have a stable income, we should have many sources of income, not merely rely on one. But besides that, each of us needs to have a wise way to save wealth for some reasons. Firstly, it is for emergency expenses such as salary for medical treatment, pay incurred in daily life. Secondly, saving wage is to save huge bill like buying a house and buying a car to avoid debt or struggling to cut another family commitment. Or save money consequently that I can invest in myself like improving my knowledge by signing up for an English course or cooking course etc.
Money is not everything
on the contrary
it is something
extremely
valuable and necessary for the existence of each individual. In such a costly and competitive society and the world, no one of us can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without wage.
Therefore
, we need to have a smart and sustainable way of making wage. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
amcurrentlymarried
and have a baby girl. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with my family
consequently
I don't demand to pay rent. Family living expenses fall between two million and two and a half million. I work as a teaching assistant for an English center,
consequently
I have a
relatively
stable salary. Due to the pandemic situation, I plan to earn extra income by selling online or translating. Due to the fact if we want to have a stable income, we should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of income, not
merely
rely on one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
besides
that, each of us needs to have a wise way to save wealth for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, it is for emergency expenses such as salary for medical treatment, pay incurred in daily life.
Secondly
, saving wage is to save huge bill like buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and buying a car to avoid debt or struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
another family commitment. Or save money
consequently
that I can invest in myself like improving my knowledge by signing up for an English course or cooking course etc.
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IELTS essay how on you have earned, spent and saved money

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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