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Nowadays,many big cities have become overcrowded. Why is it happening? What measures could be taken to prevent it?

Nowadays, many big cities have become overcrowded. Why is it happening? What measures could be taken to prevent it? NVLJW
Burgeoning population of metropolitan cities at an alarming rate is being witnessed all over the world. This essay will shed light not only on causes but also suggest some remedial measures to deal with it. To embark on, the leading factor of expanding crowd in urban areas is that people are looking for better opportunities in career and education. Since villages and small towns are powerless to provide all required provisions to society which are needed for attaining better education and occupation. Hence, in order to pursue their objectives and fulfill their ambitions, individuals are shifting to bigger cities. As everyone knows, better educational background opens up the doors of earning lucrative income, which further ameliorate their living standards. Besides, in terms of accomplishing their other necessities, including better health care, transportation, entertainment services, masses migrate to mega cities, which are offered by higher  authorities for the betterment of inhabitants. Thus, these amenities are only approachable in megalopolis cities and not in smaller ones. So far as solutions are concerned, the over crowd in big cities around the globe can be addressed in two ways. Firstly, despite focusing on importation, a large number of jobs can be provided to the youth by emphasizing on production of goods in their own nation. This will automatically increase the number of industries in remote areas where individuals can be employed. By doing so, citizens can be stopped from moving to another country or city. Aside from this, it must provide public services to people. The diseased people instead of traveling to cities for treatment, will be able to have access to doctors in their own area. These measures will evidently prove the effectiveness in reducing the amount of people in overpopulated cities across the world. To conclude, it can be stated that people migrate to urban areas owing to certain developmental factors. Therefore, concerned authorities ought to look for appropriate alternatives to grapple with the problem of metropolitan cities.
Burgeoning population of metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
at an alarming rate is
being witnessed
all over the world. This essay will shed light not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedial measures to deal with it.

To embark on, the leading factor of expanding crowd in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities in career and education. Since villages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns are powerless to provide all required provisions to society which
are needed
for attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and occupation.
Hence
, in order to pursue their objectives and fulfill their ambitions, individuals are shifting to bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. As everyone knows,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
educational background opens up the doors of earning lucrative income, which
further
ameliorate their living standards.
Besides
, in terms of accomplishing their other necessities, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health care, transportation, entertainment services, masses migrate to mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, which
are offered
by higher
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
authorities for the betterment of inhabitants.
Thus
, these amenities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approachable in megalopolis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and not in smaller ones.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far as solutions
are concerned
, the over crowd in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the globe can
be addressed
in two ways.
Firstly
, despite focusing on importation,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
jobs can
be provided
to the youth by emphasizing on production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation. This will
automatically
increase the number of industries in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where individuals can
be employed
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, citizens can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
from moving to another country or city. Aside from this, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide public services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The diseased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for treatment, will be able to have access to doctors in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. These measures will
evidently
prove the effectiveness in reducing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in overpopulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
across the world.

To conclude
, it can
be stated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
owing to certain developmental factors.
Therefore
, concerned authorities ought to look for appropriate alternatives to grapple with the problem of metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many big cities have become overcrowded. Why is it happening? What measures could be taken to prevent it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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