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Jobs and decision to choose a work

Jobs and decision to choose a work DNL5j
Deciding on a future career can be challenging for job hunters because of several logical reasons. Some of them prefer to find out a second opinion about this decision, meanwhile, the rest tend to consider it on their own. The following paragraph will elaborate on some causes of these two different perspectives. To begin with, some job seekers are fresh graduates who do not have any visualization of the occupation which results in needing suggestions in deciding what kind of jobs that should be applied to or accepted. Generally, this group inquires guidance about the career path and benefits from their surrounding who have advance experience so they can make a reasonable decision among several job vacancies. Nonetheless, some job appliers consider deciding the career autonomously because of several reasons. The most rational cause is because this group of job hunters is not fresh graduates so they already understand their purpose in the future, for example, having life-balanced could be one essential consideration for those who already married or demanding new challenge in working life will be the basic concern in choosing their vocation. In other words, personal experiences in the previous work will take an important role in deciding a particular career. In conclusion, both various groups of job applicants have their logical motives in looking upon the journey of choosing the jobs. The group which enquires guidance usually consists of fresh graduates who demand insight from external who are more experienced, meanwhile, the independent job seekers are habitually experienced person who simply needs contemplate and reflect with themselves without other’s concern.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Deciding
on a future career can be challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several logical reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them prefer to find out a second opinion about this decision, meanwhile, the rest tend to consider it on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The following paragraph will elaborate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of these two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers are fresh graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have any visualization of the occupation which results in needing suggestions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that should
be applied
to or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
Generally
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
inquires guidance about the career path and benefits from their surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have advance experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a reasonable decision among several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies.

Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
appliers consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
the career
autonomously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons. The most rational cause is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters is not fresh graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they already understand their purpose in the future,
for example
, having life-balanced could be one essential consideration for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
already married or demanding new challenge in working life will be the basic concern in choosing their vocation.
In other words
, personal experiences in the previous work will take an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deciding
a particular career.

In conclusion
, both various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants have their logical motives in looking upon the journey of choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
which
Do not mix variants of the same word ('enquire' and 'inquire') within a single text.
enquires
guidance
usually
consists of fresh graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
demand insight from external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more experienced, meanwhile, the independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers are
habitually
experienced person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
simply
needs contemplate and reflect with themselves without other’s concern.
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IELTS essay Jobs and decision to choose a work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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