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Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some consider it to be a negative development, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some consider it to be a negative development, while others disagree. v. 2
In recent years, travelling between cities on a daily basis has become mandatory for many people. Some argued that the drawbacks of commuting far distances outweigh the benefits, whilst others not. Although I personally opine that, there are more negative features, in the following essay I would content to discuss both sides and give my own reasons. To begin with, living in city areas is more expensive than urban ones. That is to say, dwelling in downtown are extremely imposed huge side fees. Expenses like apartment rental costs, meals, and car parking irrespective of incomes are the prime issue; However, city dwellers often choose cities to spend more time with their loved ones and endeavour to study simultaneously. To put it in other words, living in towns not only is beneficial in order for spiritual reasons, but it also does have fewer expenses for public transportation such as subways. In otherwise some commuters rather the countryside to attain a delightful scenery and prefer houses for their family. Moreover, commuting on a daily basis is highly likely to be a risk. That is to say, people travelling a long distance to arrive at work and vice versa are subject to jeopardize human well-being. To make it clear utilizing the transport system, irrespective of the public transportation systems or personal cars is a prerequisite for employees and students for commuting to their destination. Driving on highways, sometimes leads to possible accidents and put people at risk. In addition, public transportation has some feasible drawbacks such as trains using in Sweden are bound to be a delay or technical problem in winters. Hence, living in the countryside would have some feasible advantages and disadvantages. By way of conclusion, although travelling more hours to arrive at work or universities has intrinsic value, I once again reaffirm my perspective that the drawbacks of commuting long distances far outweigh the benefits.
In recent years, travelling between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
on a daily basis has become mandatory for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argued that the drawbacks of commuting far distances outweigh the benefits, whilst others not. Although I
personally
opine that, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
features, in the following essay I would content to discuss both sides and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living in city areas is more expensive than urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
That is
to say, dwelling in downtown are
extremely
imposed huge side fees. Expenses like apartment rental costs, meals, and car parking irrespective of incomes are the prime issue;
However
, city dwellers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to spend more time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to study
simultaneously
. To put it
in other words
, living in towns not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is beneficial in order for spiritual reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
does have fewer expenses for public transportation such as subways. In
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commuters
rather
the countryside to attain a delightful scenery and prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for their family.

Moreover
, commuting on a daily basis is
highly
likely to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling a long distance to arrive at work and vice versa are subject to jeopardize human well-being. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
utilizing the transport system, irrespective of the public transportation systems or personal cars is a prerequisite for employees and students for commuting to their destination. Driving on highways,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to possible accidents and put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
In addition
, public transportation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible drawbacks such as trains using in Sweden
are bound
to be a delay or technical problem in winters.
Hence
, living in the countryside would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible advantages and disadvantages.

By way of conclusion, although travelling more hours to arrive at work or universities has intrinsic value, I once again reaffirm my perspective that the drawbacks of commuting long distances far outweigh the benefits.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays longer distances are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some consider it to be a negative development, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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