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Nowadays, longer distances are traveled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some considered it to be a negative development. While others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Nowadays, there is a big problem is that traffic jams and air pollution are becoming worse and worse with the extremely increasing in the amount of workers who live in the countryside. Rarely, there are some solutions that can be taken into account to wipe this problem out. Firstly, one useful way is that the government should have some policies to encourage employers, especially in manufacturing fields, to put their factories in the country. In this case, local labors should be priority considered to work in these industrial facilities. As a result, in spite of a a large number of cars and buses which are full with people travelling on the road everyday, it will be reduced to a few trucks that supply goods to the cities. Secondly, government should build not only in urbanized areas but also in non urbanized areas. With the help of building gigant buildings which provide functional spaces for shopping, offices, apartments, entertaining places and people can spend their time without any vehicle that harm the environment. Moreover, build new big building in the country has a major effect on people who live in the country. In the process of building attract people who live not far from it. After having been built, large amount of workers will be supplied with vacancies. As a result of that, it is no need to go from country to city for work. It decreases harmful gases which get out from cars. In conclusion, I believe that the combination of the two solutions above can solve the problem of traffic congestion and environmental problems that are caused by those people who are travelling a long way to work everyday.
Nowadays, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that traffic jams and air pollution are becoming worse and worse with the
extremely
increasing in the amount of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside.
The adverb ‘Rarely’ is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Rarely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that can
be taken
into account to wipe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
out.
Firstly
, one useful way is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies to encourage employers,
especially
in manufacturing fields, to put their factories in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In this case
, local labors should be priority
The verb ‘considered’ is used with the gerund form: “considered working”.
considered to work
in these industrial facilities.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
a
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
cars and buses which are
The usual collocation for “full” is “of”, not “with”. Did you mean “full of”?
full with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling on the road
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a few trucks that supply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to the cities.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in urbanized areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non urbanized
areas. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Possible spelling mistake found.
gigant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
which provide functional spaces for shopping, offices, apartments, entertaining places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their time without any vehicle that harm the environment.

Moreover
, build new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a major effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
not far from it. After having
been built
, large amount of workers will
be supplied
with vacancies.
As a result
of that, it is no need to go from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to city for work. It decreases harmful gases which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out from cars.

In conclusion
, I believe that the combination of the two solutions above can solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of traffic congestion and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
are caused
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are travelling a long way to work
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
.
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IELTS essay More and more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into work every day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to the environment. What measures do you think could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances into work?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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