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Nowadays it has become common among young divisions to wear expensive shoes and close. Is it a positive or a negative development for individuals and society?

Nowadays it has become common among young divisions to wear expensive shoes and close. Is it a positive or a negative development for individuals and society? 0BOA9
IN MODERN ERA, AND VISUAL ARE GIVING PREFERENCE TO WEAR EXPENSIVE SHOES AND CLOTHES BUT I WILL DISCUSS IT HAS A LARGER LI NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT FOR INDIVIDUAL AS WELL AS SOCIETY IN FORTHCOMING PARAGRAPHS. ON THE ONE HAND WARMER WHEN MASSES WEAR BRANDED AND EXPENSIVE PLOT IT IS THE PERSONALITY OF PERSON. IN OTHER WORDS IF AND VISIBLE WEAR BRANDED CLASS THEY CAN PUT GOOD IMPRESSION ON THE OTHER PERSON AND CONFIDENCE WOULD BE INCREASED BECAUSE AND VISUAL LOOK GOOD AND WELL EDUCATED IN GOOD DRESS AND THEY CAN EASILY COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS BECAUSE SOCIETY THINK THAT WHICH PERSON WE ARE GOOD CLASS THEY HAVE KNOWLEDGE GOOD KNOWLEDGE AS WELL AS THEY LOOK DIFFERENT FROM OTHER. THUS, THE CONFIDENCE COULD BE BOOST OF PEOPLE AND OTHER PEOPLE ALSO GIVE RESPECT TO GOOD LOOKING PERSON ON THE SECOND HAND, THERE ARE SEVERAL NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT FOR ALSO OF WEARING EXPENSIVE CLAUS. FIRST FIRST OF ALL PEOPLE ARE GOING FAR AWAY FROM THEIR CULTURE. TO MAKE IT CLEAR THESE DAYS MASSES GIVE IMPORTANCE TO WEAR WESTERN CLAUS AND THIS CLASS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE THAN OTHER CLOTHES. FOR EXAMPLE, THE PUNJABI PEOPLE TRADITIONAL DRESS IS KURTA PAJAMA BUT NOWADAYS PUNJABI PEOPLE FOLLOW THE FOREIGN CULTURE. DUE TO THIS, THE DEMAND OF EXPENSIVE CLASS IS INCREASING AND PEOPLE ARE GOING FAR AWAY FROM THEIR CULTURE. IN ADDITION TO THIS IT IS A WASTE OF MONEY ALSO BECAUSE THE COST OF BRANDED CLAUS IS A VERY HIGH. THEREFORE PEOPLE HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY TO BUY THIS CLAUSE BESIDE THIS SOMETIMES THEY HAVE TO TOOK WRONG STEPS TO MANAGE THEIR EXPENSIVE IN CONCLUSION OUR PEOPLE SPEND A LOT OF THEIR MONEY TO BUY BRANDED CLOTHES BUT DUE TO THIS THEY ARE IGNORING THEIR TRADITIONAL DRESS OR AS WELL AS WASTE OF NEAR MONEY
IN MODERN ERA, AND VISUAL ARE GIVING PREFERENCE TO
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WEAR
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EXPENSIVE
SHOES AND CLOTHES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
I WILL DISCUSS IT HAS A LARGER LI
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
DEVELOPMENT FOR INDIVIDUAL AS
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WELL
AS SOCIETY IN FORTHCOMING PARAGRAPHS.

ON THE ONE HAND WARMER WHEN MASSES
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WEAR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BRANDED
AND
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EXPENSIVE
PLOT IT IS THE PERSONALITY OF PERSON. IN
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OTHER
WORDS IF AND VISIBLE
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WEAR
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BRANDED
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLASS
THEY CAN PUT
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GOOD
IMPRESSION ON THE
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OTHER
PERSON AND CONFIDENCE WOULD
BE INCREASED
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BECAUSE
AND VISUAL LOOK
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GOOD
AND
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WELL
EDUCATED IN
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GOOD
DRESS AND THEY CAN
EASILY
COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS
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BECAUSE
SOCIETY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT WHICH PERSON WE ARE
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GOOD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLASS
THEY HAVE KNOWLEDGE
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GOOD
KNOWLEDGE AS
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WELL
AS THEY LOOK
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DIFFERENT
FROM
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OTHER
.
THUS
, THE CONFIDENCE COULD BE BOOST OF
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PEOPLE
AND
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OTHER
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PEOPLE
ALSO
GIVE RESPECT TO
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GOOD
LOOKING PERSON

ON THE SECOND HAND, THERE ARE SEVERAL
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
DEVELOPMENT FOR
ALSO
OF WEARING
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EXPENSIVE
CLAUS.
FIRST
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
FIRST OF ALL
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PEOPLE
ARE GOING FAR AWAY FROM THEIR CULTURE. TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLEAR
THESE DAYS MASSES GIVE IMPORTANCE TO
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WEAR
WESTERN CLAUS AND
Did you mean "these"?
THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLASS
ARE
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VERY
Use "(EXPENSIVE)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
EXPENSIVE
THAN
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OTHER
CLOTHES.
FOR EXAMPLE
, THE PUNJABI
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PEOPLE
TRADITIONAL DRESS IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
KURTA
PAJAMA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
NOWADAYS PUNJABI
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PEOPLE
FOLLOW THE FOREIGN CULTURE. DUE TO THIS, THE DEMAND OF
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EXPENSIVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLASS
IS INCREASING AND
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PEOPLE
ARE GOING FAR AWAY FROM THEIR CULTURE.
IN ADDITION
TO THIS IT IS A WASTE OF
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MONEY
ALSO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THE COST OF
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BRANDED
CLAUS IS A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
HIGH.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THEREFORE
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PEOPLE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
SPEND
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A LOT OF
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MONEY
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
THIS CLAUSE BESIDE THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SOMETIMES
THEY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
TOOK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
WRONG
STEPS TO MANAGE THEIR EXPENSIVE

IN CONCLUSION
OUR
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PEOPLE
SPEND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A LOT OF
THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MONEY
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BRANDED
CLOTHES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
DUE TO THIS THEY ARE IGNORING THEIR TRADITIONAL DRESS OR AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WELL
AS WASTE OF NEAR
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
MONEY
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IELTS essay Nowadays it has become common among young divisions to wear expensive shoes and close. Is it a positive or a negative development for individuals and society?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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