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nowadays inactive lifestyle has raised as a health problem. Give problem and solution this this problem

nowadays inactive lifestyle has raised as a health problem. Give problem and solution this this problem OR3pM
In recent years, a sedentary lifestyle has become increasingly popular despite a big number of sports facilities. This essay will discuss the main problems that associated with this epidemic and propose some solutions to avoid them The main problems caused by inactive lifestyle are obesity and weak immune system. A growing number of body research show that prolonged inactivity increase/raise the risk of being overweight. Some of the main problems caused by inactive lifestyle are obesity and weak immune system. A growing number of research sho that prolonged inactivity increase the risk of being overweight. This is because people burn less calories, therefore gain weight easily. Besides, it has been proven that sedentary lifestyle also make the body loses muscle and tissue, and the immune system become weak, leading to many diseases. In my opinion, the best solution to these problems is promoting active lifestyle. First, millions of people stay less active because they use cars or motorbikes instead of walking or riding bicycle. Therefore, an effective way to make people more active is to advertise walking and cycling as a safe and attractive alternatives to motorized transport. Moreover, the sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity because nowadays a lot of people would prefer passive rest rather than working out in the gym or outdoor. The authority should regularly organizes campaigns to raise the public’s awareness about physical activity, such as running marathons or cycling races. In conclusion, leading a sedentary lifestyle cause a lot of health problems, including obesity and spinal diseases. But I believe that with the government's support in media promotion and our own efforts, we can solve these issues
In recent years, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has become
increasingly
popular despite a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of sports facilities. This essay will discuss the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that associated with this epidemic and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to avoid them

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
are obesity and weak immune system. A growing number of body research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that prolonged inactivity increase/raise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being overweight.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
are obesity and weak immune system. A growing number of research
Possible spelling mistake found.
sho that
prolonged inactivity increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being overweight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burn
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
,
therefore
gain weight
easily
.
Besides
, it has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body loses muscle and tissue, and the immune system become weak, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.

In my opinion, the best solution to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is promoting active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
First
, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay less active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars or motorbikes
instead
of walking or riding bicycle.
Therefore
, an effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more active is to advertise walking and cycling as a safe and attractive alternatives to motorized transport.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is gaining popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer passive rest
rather
than working out in the gym or outdoor. The authority should
regularly
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "organize"
organizes
campaigns to raise the public’s awareness about physical activity, such as running marathons or cycling races.

In conclusion
, leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including obesity and spinal diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's support in media promotion and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts, we can solve these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
issues
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IELTS essay nowadays inactive lifestyle has raised as a health problem. Give problem and solution this this problem

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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