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statement of purpose for university of concordia

statement of purpose for university of concordia Bwo56
We human beings are not just looking to survive but hope to be healthy in the process and not only physically but mentally either. There is a strong relationship between mental and physical health despite little being known about the pathways from one to the other. Even though Psychological Science has unpredictably taken on a dimension of growth and improvement during the last 30 years, we have not valued it as it deserves compared to Medical Science. This concept brought me into the endless ocean of Psychology. I earned my Bachelor’s degree in General Psychology from Arak University in 2015. Since Psychology is the science of mind and behavior, I am passionate about studying human behavior, behavior disorders, their origin and source, and their treatment. Therefore, during my undergraduate studies, I did extensive research on The Effect of Sports on Perceived Stress and Impulsivity in Women Aged 20 to 40 Years. Subsequently, I concluded that exercising causes a beyond-belief reduction of stress and impulsivity and puts you in a supplemental conscious state. The courses Physiological Psychology and General Physiology, which was partly about the connection of the human brain, mind, body, physique, and their undeniable astonishing influence on each other, penetrated me in a way that led to my great love and affection for the attempt to make good use of this interaction. In today's highly developed world, where many new technologies and countless advanced methods are created by combining distinct sorts of sciences, not only treating mental illnesses through exercise does not seem awkward, but also it is much healthier than using medication. What is more momentous than the human body and soul's well-being? Thanks to the integration of psychology and exercise science, humans have succeeded in curing many physical and mental illnesses. But to my way of thinking, many facts about the connection of the human mind and body that lead to health have not been discovered yet. Given the side effects of antipsychotic medications, my ideal and lofty purpose for preventing and treating human psychiatric problems is to find a way to use the drugs very little or use them at all and replace them with exercise and sports. Due to my significant passion and adoration for sports, I took several courses, which assisted me to succeed in gaining some experience. That is how my gym coaching and coach training started. And I was even able to do a little bit of sports psychology that is very close to the ultimate goal I'm looking forward to achieving. Another issue that made me more determined to pursue this discipline but academically was that after a limited amount of time in my sports activities, I was greatly influenced and believed in the tangible immediate and long-term effects of exercising on my mind. My final purpose for applying for the Master of Health and Exercise Science Program at the University of Concordia is the considerable reputation of the faculty, high quality of instruction, and perfect research facilities. The courses designed for this Master's program are what a student might expect from this discipline. I must mention that one of my greatest motivators is Dr. Veronique Pepin, whose comprehensive research catches the attention of all health enthusiasts. Considering my background and my great joy for studies and research work, it would be great to pursue my studies at Concordia University. I hope that you will find a deserving student in me for your distinguished University. I sincerely request you to consider my application for admission. Should you need any other information, contact the email address I have attached to my documents.
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hope to be healthy in the process and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mentally either. There is a strong relationship between mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
being known
about the pathways from one to the other.
Even though
Psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
has
unpredictably
taken on a dimension of growth and improvement during the last 30 years, we have not valued it as it deserves compared to Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
. This concept brought me into the endless ocean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychology
. I earned my Bachelor’s degree
in General
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychology
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in 2015. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychology
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of mind and behavior, I am passionate about studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
behavior, behavior disorders, their origin and source, and their treatment.
Therefore
, during my undergraduate studies, I did extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
on The Effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
on Perceived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
and Impulsivity in Women Aged 20 to 40 Years.
Subsequently
, I concluded that exercising causes a beyond-belief reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and impulsivity and puts you in a supplemental conscious state.

The courses Physiological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychology
and General Physiology, which was partly about the connection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
brain, mind, body, physique, and their undeniable astonishing influence on each other, penetrated me in a way that led to my great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection for the attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this interaction. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
highly
developed world, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new technologies and countless advanced methods
are created
by combining distinct sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
treating mental illnesses through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
does not seem awkward,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is much healthier than using medication.
What is more
momentous than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body and soul's well-being? Thanks to the integration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have succeeded in curing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical and mental illnesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to my way of thinking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts about the connection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
mind and body that lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
have not
been discovered
yet
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the side effects of antipsychotic medications, my ideal and lofty purpose for preventing and treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
psychiatric problems is to find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them at all and replace them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and sports.

Due to my significant passion and adoration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I took several courses, which assisted me to succeed in gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience.
That is
how my gym coaching and coach training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. And I was even able to do a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to the ultimate goal I'm looking forward to achieving. Another issue that made me more determined to pursue this discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
academically
was that after a limited amount of time in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, I was
greatly
influenced and believed in the tangible immediate and long-term effects of exercising on my mind.

My final purpose for applying for the Master of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
Program at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Concordia is the considerable reputation of the faculty, high quality of instruction, and perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
facilities. The courses designed for this Master's program are what a student might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from this discipline. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
mention that one of my greatest motivators is Dr. Veronique Pepin, whose comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
catches the attention of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
enthusiasts.

Considering my background and my great joy for studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
work, it would be great to pursue my studies at Concordia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
. I hope that you will find a deserving student in me for your distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
. I
sincerely
request you to consider my application for admission. Should you need any other information, contact the email address I have attached to my documents.
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IELTS essay statement of purpose for university of concordia

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
600 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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