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Nowadays, in some countries, people are spending long hours at the workplace? Why does this happen? Is this a negative or positive trend?

Nowadays, in some countries, people are spending long hours at the workplace? Why does this happen? Is this a negative or positive trend? kL0KK
Nowadays, many people are overworked due to pressure from work and daily necessities. It is obvious that modernized life leads to an increasing cost of living, people have to work overtime to make ends meet. For example, parents need to work extra hours to earn more than their base salary to afford electricity bills, their children’s tuition fees, . . . . Especially since the Covid-19 pandemic, parents have to prepare computers or smartphones for their kids to study from home. In some other cases, many young people choose to work overtime with the desire to have opportunities for career advancement. The proof that an employee is willing to stay for another few hours at work can be perceived as a sign of one's serious commitment to the job. Employers usually look for people who are hard-working and long-term. So spending more time at work can lead to promotion prospects, higher salaries and career status. However, overwork can present many problems, the most significant of which is that it can damage employees' health. When we spend too many hours on working, it is more likely that we cannot find time and energy left to take care of ourselves properly such as participating in outdoor activities, maintaining a balanced diet or getting enough sleep. As a result, overtime can cause stress, burnout, and depression. For example, Japan has the highest rate of suicide among workers, mostly men, in the world due to overwhelming work pressure. Besides, working long hours leaves them little time to spend with their friends and families. They are less likely to achieve work-life balance and will risk the well-being of their close relationships, exposing them to isolation in the future.
Nowadays,
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many
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people
are overworked
due to pressure from
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work
and daily necessities. It is obvious that modernized life leads to an increasing cost of living,
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people
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have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
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meet
.
For example
, parents need to
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work
extra
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hours
to earn more than their base salary to afford electricity bills, their children’s tuition fees
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Especially
since the Covid-19 pandemic, parents
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have to
prepare computers or smartphones for their kids to study from home. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other cases,
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many
young
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people
choose to
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work
overtime with the desire to have opportunities for career advancement. The proof that an employee is willing to stay for another few
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hours
at
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work
can
be perceived
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of one's serious commitment to the job. Employers
usually
look for
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people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working and long-term.
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So
spending more time at
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work
can lead to promotion prospects, higher salaries and career status.

However
, overwork can present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems, the most significant of which is that it can damage employees' health. When we spend too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on working, it is more likely that we cannot find time and energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to take care of ourselves
properly
such as participating in outdoor activities, maintaining a balanced diet or getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep.
As a result
, overtime can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, burnout, and depression.
For example
, Japan has the highest rate of suicide among workers,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, in the world due to overwhelming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure.
Besides
, working long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to spend with their friends and families. They are less likely to achieve work-life balance and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
the well-being of their close relationships, exposing them to isolation in the future.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, in some countries, people are spending long hours at the workplace? Why does this happen? Is this a negative or positive trend?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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