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Nowadays in many places it is found that children are given more freedom than they require. What do you think it is positive or negative development? 

It has been witnessed, in the recent times, that parents let their children do whatever they like by giving them freedom more than they ought to. This development thas both positive and negative aspects, however, from my perspective, advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The following paragraphs shall cast a light on my assertion. It goes beyond doubt that if children are free to do things they are interested in then they are more likely to develop their comprehensive growth. For example, it has been seen that most of the parents expect their children to be good in studies and in order to achieve this goal they often force their children to study for longer hours which negatively put pressure on children's mind. It is possible that a child, who is not good at studies, might be excellent at art like drawing or painting. Giving freedom to a child motivates him to pursue his hobbies which are of utmost necessity for their overall growth. The another reason for my assertion is that giving permission to children to make their own decisions benefits them a lot in their later life. Which means that children can learn from their mistakes from their prior decisions they made independently and then they are less likely to repeat those mistakes. That is why giving freedom to children is a positive development. On the other hand, children tend to astray from the moral paths and often diverted from studies to some unscrupulous  way due to their immaturity. It is perhaps because they are unaware of consequences of immoral paths and often indulge in bad companies as they were not supervised by their parents. For instance, they could get addicted to bad habits such as consumption of alcohol and other such drugs. Thus, independence of children is a negative development. To conclude, It is immensely clear that giving freedom to children has both pros and cons. However, merits of this development hold more water than demerits, but still parents need to keep a tight vigil on their children's activities.
It has
been witnessed
, in the recent times, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do whatever they like by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
more than they ought to. This development
Possible spelling mistake found.
thas
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects,
however
, from my perspective, advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The following paragraphs shall cast a light on my assertion.

It goes beyond doubt that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are free to do things they
are interested
in then they are more likely to develop their comprehensive growth.
For example
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and in order to achieve this goal they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for longer hours which
negatively
put pressure on children's mind. It is possible that a child, who is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, might be excellent at art like drawing or painting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to a child motivates him to pursue his hobbies which are of utmost necessity for their
overall
growth.

The another reason for my assertion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions benefits them a lot in their later life. Which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from their mistakes from their prior decisions they made
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independently and
then they are less likely to repeat those mistakes.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to astray from the moral paths and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
diverted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unscrupulous
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
way due to their immaturity. It is perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are unaware of consequences of immoral paths and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as they were not supervised by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as consumption of alcohol and other such drugs.
Thus
, independence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

To conclude
, It is
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has both pros and cons.
However
, merits of this development hold more water than demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a tight vigil on their children's activities.
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IELTS essay Nowadays in many places it is found that children are given more freedom than they require. What do you think it is positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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