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Nowadays, fewer people find time for hobbies.What are the reasons and solutions?

Nowadays, fewer people find time for hobbies. What are the reasons and solutions? pR1oL
Recently, a minority of people spend time on leisure interests. There are two causes behind it, however, this issue can be tackled with the help of companies and parents. The two factors are to blame why individuals do not have sufficient time for their hobbies. The principal reason is that a vast majority of workers have a hectic schedule and consequently they cannot spend time for leisurely hours. Additionally, some employees are exposed to work overtime or against the clock. This way companies inhibit staff’s pastime. By way of illustration, one who has worked for a considerable hours, will not have any energy to dedicate some time for hobbies. Moreover, the development of cutting edge technology also contributes negatively to lack of time for individual interests. It is undeniable that a great number of people have an addiction to gadgets in the computer age. As a result, whenever geeks find free time they get stuck behind electronic devices. Fortunately, there are two effective measures to deal with this trouble. Firstly, entrepreneurs should not force their employees to work overtime and if businesses face special occasions, extra labours should be divided fairly among all the staff members. Therefore, workers will not snatch a few hours’ sleep and will find a gap in their schedule for extracurricular activities. Furthermore, obsession with gadgets should be diminished. The major help would be measures taken by the family. Individuals will not be addicted to electronic devices, unless parents do not give permission to use computers for a long period of time to their children. In this case, individuals will not have an addiction to computers because they have not used them regularly in childhood. For instance, one who has developed a particular interest in music in childhood, will definitely find time to be occupied with playing some musical instruments in adulthood. In conclusion, in recent decades the majority of people do not have enough time for social activities. However, if companies and parents try to solve this problem, this will be mitigated.
Recently, a minority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on leisure interests. There are two causes behind it,
however
, this issue can
be tackled
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and parents.

The two factors are to blame why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their hobbies. The principal reason is that a vast majority of workers have a hectic schedule and
consequently
they cannot spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
leisurely
hours.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees
are exposed
to work overtime or against the clock. This way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
inhibit staff’s pastime. By way of illustration, one who has worked for a considerable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
, will not have any energy to dedicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for hobbies.
Moreover
, the development of cutting edge technology
also
contributes
negatively
to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
interests. It is undeniable that a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an addiction to gadgets in the computer age.
As a result
, whenever geeks find free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck behind electronic devices.

Fortunately
, there are two effective measures to deal with this trouble.
Firstly
, entrepreneurs should not force their employees to work overtime and if businesses face special occasions, extra
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
should
be divided
fairly
among all the staff members.
Therefore
, workers will not snatch a few hours’ sleep and will find a gap in their schedule for extracurricular activities.
Furthermore
, obsession with gadgets should
be diminished
. The major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
would be measures taken by the family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
will not
be addicted
to electronic devices, unless parents do not give permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their children.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will not have an addiction to computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
them
regularly
in childhood.
For instance
, one who has developed a particular interest in music in childhood, will definitely find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
be occupied
with playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
musical instruments in adulthood.

In conclusion
, in recent decades the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for social activities.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and parents try to solve this problem, this will
be mitigated
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, fewer people find time for hobbies. What are the reasons and solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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