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Developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. GMJ0L
In the modern era as an economy is a developing it is necessary to require a large amount of money. It is often argued that nation who already have strongest health should different sorts of offer instead of monetary fund. I certainly disagree with this notion because money is the essential key brought development for any region. Further information about this will be discussed in the essay. To begin with, a well set nation should give funds to backward ones. There are several reasons for this. First and foremost, if the economy gets the aid in the form of money they can spend in a sector where actually required. Which lead to boom a particular aspects of countries. For example, In 2003 USA built major School in Bhutan. However, Bhutan actually a lot requirement in medical as their health sector as very downward. So countries like Bhutan need of financial help instead of other aid. Similarly, a country gets money from another nation can first pay their debt and release burden of interest. As a consequence, their economy grows in an efficient manner. For instance, in 2016 India got the fever from the Japan amount of 1000 crore. Which Indian used to pay their debt, as a result, a country grows rapidly and reported 8 % increase in GDP in next year. To conclude, after musing both sides of the argument I believe that financial aid is the best way to encourage other nation. As other kind of help is not efficient and there are a several reasons to demonstrate that this is not the case.
In the modern era as an economy is a developing it is necessary to require a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
who already have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the strongest".
strongest
health should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of offer
instead
of monetary fund. I
certainly
disagree with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the essential key brought development for any region.
Further
information about this will
be discussed
in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a well set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should give funds to backward ones. There are several reasons for this.
First
and foremost, if the economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the aid in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can spend in a sector where actually required.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
lead to boom a particular
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, In 2003 USA built major School in Bhutan.
However
, Bhutan actually a lot requirement in medical as their health sector as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
downward.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Bhutan need of financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
instead
of other aid.

Similarly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can
first
pay their debt and release burden of interest. As a consequence, their economy grows
Consider replacing "in an efficient manner" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient manner
.
For instance
, in 2016 India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the fever from the Japan amount of 1000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
crore
. Which Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay their debt,
as a result
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
grows
rapidly
and reported 8 % increase in GDP in
next
year.

To conclude
, after musing both sides of the argument I believe that financial aid is the best way to encourage other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. As other kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is not efficient and there are a several reasons to demonstrate that this is not the case.
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IELTS essay Developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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