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Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people and others think that retired people should care for themselves.

Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people and others think that retired people should care for themselves. KwyP0
Some would argue that the government should give money to retired persons, while others would say that they should take care of themselves. Although giving them money creates a huge burden on the country's economy, I believe that they should be given money as they do not have any other income. On the one hand, some people think that giving money to retired men and women creates a burden on a country's financial status. That is to say that the government should spend a huge amount of money to implement this scheme, which eventually results in an increase in the debts made by that country. For instance, a recent article published in TimesNow newspaper, which is renowned for its accuracy and fairness, stated that the debts of the USA increased by 10% in the year 2019, after they started implementing a similar initiative. However, I believe that they should be given money as they had paid taxes while they were working. On the other hand, it is often believed that people whose work service is completed should be helped with money as they do not have any income. In other words, People retire at an old age, and they find it difficult to do any other work at that age. So, it is the responsibility of the government to take care of them. For example, a recent comprehensive government survey in India found that more than 75% of the retired people in its country have zero income. I believe this school of thought is preferable because the government should take care of its citizens. In conclusion, although providing money to retired persons affects a country's economy badly, I believe that they need money to survive as they do not have any other source of income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
persons, while others would say that they should take care of themselves. Although giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
creates a huge burden on the country's economy, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
income.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women creates a burden on a country's financial status.
That is
to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to implement this scheme, which
eventually
results in an increase in the debts made by that country.
For instance
, a recent article published in
Possible spelling mistake found.
TimesNow
newspaper, which
is renowned
for its accuracy and fairness, stated that the debts of the USA increased by 10% in the year 2019, after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
implementing a similar initiative.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they had paid taxes while they were working.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose work service
is completed
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they do not have any income. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
retire at an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, and they find it difficult to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
work at that age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take care of them.
For example
, a recent comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
survey in India found that more than 75% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in its country have zero income. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is preferable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take care of its citizens.

In conclusion
, although providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
persons affects a country's economy
badly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to survive as they do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
source of income.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people and others think that retired people should care for themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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