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Nowadays families are not so close as they used to be. WHAT DO YOU ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS ? What can be done to make families closer?

Nowadays families are not so close as they used to be. WHAT DO YOU ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? What can be done to make families closer? pR9Bw
Today, families are going so far than in past times. People have to live in other countries or places by separating themselves from other family members. There are many reasons of their remoteness which we will going to discuss in our essay. So, firstly, for families farness is that individuals want bright future by living in big cities and countries to earn more and more money for their future generations. Secondly some folks want to live alone without any burden of family. They want enjoy their earnings only upon themselves. Lastly, the youngsters think that their old age parents are load on them. They conceive that they have to spent their money on their medicine and other needs instead on them. Besides these thinkings, they should spend more and more time with them. Otherwise, they can suffer from many many serious diseases such as depression due to loneliness. Hence, we should take important steps to remove this separation. We should celebrate every occasion with our families and make their every second memorable. We should give them chance to reveal their feelings and make their mind free from all worries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are going
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "farther", "further" to make a comparison with this adjective.
far
than in past times.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other countries or places by separating themselves from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons of their remoteness which we will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to discuss in our essay.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
firstly
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
Possible spelling mistake found.
farness
is that individuals want bright future by living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities and countries to earn more and more money for their future generations.
Secondly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone without any burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want enjoy
their earnings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
upon themselves.
Lastly
, the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age parents are load on them. They conceive that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spent their money on their medicine and other needs
instead
on them.
Besides
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
, they should spend more and more time with them.
Otherwise
, they can suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious diseases such as depression due to loneliness.
Hence
, we should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps to remove this separation. We should celebrate every occasion with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their every second memorable. We should give them chance to reveal their feelings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mind free from all worries.
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IELTS essay Nowadays families are not so close as they used to be. WHAT DO YOU ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? What can be done to make families closer?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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