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Research shows that a lot of energy is saved if people spend a shorter time in the workplace. To save energy (e.g. gas, electricity etc.), some companies are closing down on one day per week. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that a lot of energy is saved if people spend a shorter time in the workplace. To save energy (e. g. gas, electricity etc. ), some companies are closing down on one day per week. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? OVxpj
Nowadays, energy consumption has become a controversial issue. Many companies have reduced the working days to save a portion of the power. Both pros and cons of the mentioned idea with my opinion will be illustrated in the following lines. On the one hand, many people think that reducing the working days is considered beneficial to the country because it saves a huge amount of power. In other words, the majority of the used power is directed to companies and governmental offices; additionally, the needed transportation for the employees needs more amount of fuel. Therefor, if the majority of office employees were instructed to stay at home one more day per week, they would save an effective amount of electrical power, and reduce the fuel consumption in transportation purposes. For example, The capital of Egypt, Cairo, has around twenty million residents. If thirty percent of them were office employees and had the chance to take one more day-off, they would reduce a huge amount of consumption of fuel and electricity. Thus, it is may be beneficial to reduce the working days. On the other hand, some of the belief that reducing the working days will negatively affect the productivity which may decrease the economic strength. To illustrate, some workers believe that reducing the working days will directly reduce their productivity which is considered negative impact. For instance, decreasing the working periods of a mechanical workshop is going to reduce the amount of repaired pieces of equipment and will reduce the income. Actually, this issue could be solved by activating work from home for the office employees, which could save the used power by them, especially in transportation. In conclusion, decreasing the working days has its merits and demerits. In my opinion, its advantages are more than disadvantages because it reduces both fuel and electricity consumption; moreover, work from home may keep the same productivity.
Nowadays, energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
has become a controversial issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
. Both pros and cons of the mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with my opinion will
be illustrated
in the following lines.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days
is considered
beneficial to the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
.
In other words
, the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
is directed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
;
additionally
, the needed transportation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
. Therefor, if the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
were instructed
to stay at home one more day per week, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in transportation purposes.
For example
, The capital of Egypt, Cairo, has around twenty million residents. If thirty percent of them were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and had the chance to take one more day-off, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
and electricity.
Thus
, it is may be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days.

On the other hand
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
belief that reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days will
negatively
affect the productivity which may decrease the economic strength. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers believe that reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days will
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
their productivity which
is considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
For instance
, decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
periods of a mechanical workshop is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of repaired pieces of equipment and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the income. Actually, this issue could
be solved
by activating work from home for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
by them,
especially
in transportation.

In conclusion
, decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days has its merits and demerits. In my opinion, its advantages are more than disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
and electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
;
moreover
, work from home may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the same productivity.
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I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Research shows that a lot of energy is saved if people spend a shorter time in the workplace. To save energy (e. g. gas, electricity etc. ), some companies are closing down on one day per week. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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