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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

In today's word the people have started living very fast & growing life to utilize maximum time they do not focus on the food they eat. People have started consuming processed foods, fat foods, Quick bites etc leading it effecting their health problems. Today the world is facing different health issue like diabiates, obesity, cholestrol, blood pressure etc. In this eassy we would be talking about the people gaining weight due to junk foods. Earlier days people use to have nutrious food, due to which our older people use to live more healthy life style. However, people have started living saddentary lifestyle due to which they are prone to gain weight and other diseases. The biggest casue to the obesity is due to the fast moving life. Many of us spends our majority of time in either working at office & childrens studying with other extra activits. Due to which we do not focus on our eating habits and even our children are difficient with usefull resources like Vitamins, calcium, magnesium etc. We also have started living life in modern era which dont allows us to have the food on the specific timing or watching TV, playing songs by. the above effect also plays improtant role in the having less nutrious food and leading to gain weight. Another main cause to this is nowadays the fast food companys spends millions of dollar in the adertisiment, which leads in attracting people to have junk foods. Huge fast food joints like Macdonalds, KFC, Dominos etc have good advertisements on TV, horading boards and the barnds also uses attractive colours and pictures to attract the childrens. Due to which childrens prone to consume junk food but dont acutally see that it will be effecting to thier health, leading to be a obbese child and gaining weight. In many countires the govenrment has also put ban to some processed foods that are effecting badly to health issues. For example there are some countries who have banned the cusumption of the processed or frozen foods which uses many preservatives. which eventually removes essential sources from the food. Though many food joints out there still sells such foods that leads in gaining weight. There are few effects that are caused due to weight gain. The main health issue after gainig weight in day to day life are breating issues, felling lazy, joints pain, etc. The major diseases that are caused due to weight gain is obesity, diabiates, high cholestrol, blood pressure, asthmna etc. We have seen that childrens nowadays have the diseases in very early age and the major factor is realted to the food that they consume. In my opinion the governoment should be more strict with the food agencies. The food joints should have more nutritious food that the people should consume. The governemnt should pass the law fo minimum nutrition food contatin for every packets that sells out in market. The another factor to add this is the people also need to take care of their own health consuming less processed food and have the own cook food. Even educate their own children as well and make them understand that the fast foods are not good for health. In conclusion, the major factor in gaining weight which is due to the eating habits leading to causing diseases, effecting on the health. However it can be mitigated with more awareness and restrictionfrom government. People also need to take thier health seriously and should stop consuming the fast food and even educate to thier childrens.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's word the
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people
have
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started
living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
& growing
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life
to utilize maximum time they do not focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they eat.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, Quick bites etc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leading
it
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effecting
their
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health
problems.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
the world is facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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health
issue like
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diabiates
, obesity,
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cholestrol
, blood pressure etc.

In this
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eassy
we would be talking about the
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people
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gaining
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weight
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due
to junk foods.

Earlier days
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people
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use
to have
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nutrious
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food
,
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due
to which our older
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more healthy
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
life style
.

However
,
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people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
living
Possible spelling mistake found.
saddentary
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to which they are prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and other diseases.

The biggest
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casue
to the obesity is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
moving life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us spends our majority of time in either working at office &
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
studying with other extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
activits
.

Due to which we do not focus on our eating habits and even our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
difficient
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
resources like Vitamins, calcium, magnesium etc.

We
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in modern era which
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the specific timing or watching TV, playing songs by.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
above effect
also
plays
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improtant
role in the having less
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nutrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
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leading
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
weight.

Another main cause to this is nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “companies”, the plural form of the noun ‘company’?
companys
spends millions of dollar in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
adertisiment
, which leads in attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have junk foods.

Huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macdonalds
, KFC, Dominos etc have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advertisements on TV,
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horading
boards and the
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barnds
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
attractive
Possible spelling mistake. ‘colours’ is British English.
colours
and pictures to attract the
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childrens
.

Due to which
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childrens
prone to consume junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
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acutally
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see
that it will be
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effecting
to
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thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
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leading
to be
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
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obbese
child and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaining
weight.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
countires
the
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govenrment
has
also
put ban to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effecting
badly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

For example
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries who have banned the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cusumption
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
or frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
preservatives.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
which
eventually
removes essential sources from the food.

“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
out there
still
sells such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that leads in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaining
weight.

There are few effects that
are caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
. The main
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health
issue after
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gainig
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
in day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
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breating
issues, felling lazy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
pain, etc.

The major diseases that
are caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
is obesity,
Possible spelling mistake found.
diabiates
, high
Possible spelling mistake found.
cholestrol
, blood pressure,
Possible spelling mistake found.
asthmna
etc.

We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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childrens
nowadays have the diseases in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age and the major factor is
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realted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they consume.

In my opinion the
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governoment
should be more strict with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
agencies. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
should have more nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consume.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
governemnt
should pass the law
Possible spelling mistake found.
fo
minimum nutrition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
contatin
for every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “packet”?
packets
that sells out in market.

The another factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
need to take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
consuming less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cook food.

Even educate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health.

In conclusion
, the major factor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the eating habits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leading
to causing diseases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effecting
on the health.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it can
be mitigated
with more awareness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
restrictionfrom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
need to take
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
seriously
and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and even educate to
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.
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IELTS essay Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Essay
  American English
27 paragraphs
590 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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