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Nowadays crime rate is increasing in young people. Why it is. How it will be reduced.

Nowadays crime rate is increasing in young people. Why it is. How it will be reduced. RNMnM
Crime is an illegal act against the society. Nowadays crime rate is increasing rapidly specially in teenagers in the society, due numerous reasons and failure in system and law. First of all, teenagers are getting a better education on spending high value of costs, on the contrary, there is no jobs opportunities for them according to their study, due to failure of system and corruption in Government's departments. Second of all, unemployment has become a phenomenon to indulge the teenagers in such menace of drugs, and affecting on their health, and youngsters are losing their lives. Third of all, youngsters are themselves trapping in such drugs activities by making friends, who are already indulged in it and they force them to take a short dose of drug and after that youngsters become habitual to take a big dose of drug and can never be returned back. However, parents and teachers, along with Governments can reduce the menace of drugs by giving better education in school time and provide them more jobs opportunities. In conclusion, crime rate is increasing rapidly due to unemployment and bad policies of Government, and It can be reduced by parents and teachers giving better thoughts in school and home, and Governments should provide numerous jobs opportunities for youngsters from diverting their criminal mind to good nature and become them self dependent for their families.
Crime is an illegal act against the society. Nowadays crime rate is increasing
rapidly
specially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the society, due numerous reasons and failure in system and law.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are getting a better education on spending high value of costs,
on the contrary
,
Did you mean "there are no jobs"?
there is no jobs
opportunities for them according to their study, due to failure of system and corruption in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
's departments. Second of all, unemployment has become a phenomenon to indulge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in such menace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, and affecting on their health, and youngsters are losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Third of all, youngsters are themselves trapping in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
activities by making friends, who are already indulged in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
they force them to take a short dose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
and after that youngsters become habitual to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
dose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
and can never be
Consider using "returned".
returned back
.
However
, parents and teachers, along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the menace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
by giving better education in school time and provide them more jobs opportunities.
In conclusion
, crime rate is increasing
rapidly
due to unemployment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
policies of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, and It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by parents and teachers giving better thoughts in school and home, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should provide numerous jobs opportunities for youngsters from diverting their criminal mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nature and become them self dependent for their families.
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IELTS essay Nowadays crime rate is increasing in young people. Why it is. How it will be reduced.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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