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Nowadays computer education is compulsory for your learners in most schools. Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere? Provide your opinion and use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for your learners in most schools. Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere? Provide your opinion and use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Students are assigned a computer subject like other subjects in schools these days. However, some believe that it could be learned by the way we interact with technology every day. I believe that learning computer as a subject is a different thing than using Computer for daily use. In this essay, it is going to be described how students are taught about details of the functionality of a computer system like applications, working process of the Internet in schools which they cannot learn on their own. Firstly, students in the class learn about the logics, algorithms behind the functionality of applications like weather apps, cricbuzz. It is not possible to learn about the codding which is used to build these applications with just using it daily, without attending classes for that in schools and colleges. In schools and colleges, teachers there teach about what it takes to develop a particular application. Secondly, although students use the Internet every day, yet they are unaware of the fact that how to use it securely so that they could not be hacked. These days it has become quite general that lots of people are being hacked and they are being extorted for money in place of not destroying their important data. So, students need to know how the cycle of the Internet works so that they could understand the secure way to use the Internet. In conclusion, It is certainly a wise decision to allocate computer in schools and colleges as a subject. This the way they could learn about technology in a more detailed manner.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are assigned
a computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
these days.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it could
be learned
by the way we interact with technology every day. I believe that learning computer as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thing than using Computer for daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In this essay, it is going to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are taught
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the functionality of a computer system like applications, working process of the Internet in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the logics, algorithms behind the functionality of applications like weather apps,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cricbuzz
. It is not possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the codding which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build these applications with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
using it daily, without attending classes for that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges, teachers there teach about what it takes to develop a particular application.

Secondly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet every day,
yet
they are unaware of the fact that how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
securely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could not
be hacked
. These days it has become quite general that lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hacked and
they are
being extorted
for money in place of not destroying their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to know how the cycle of the Internet works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could understand the secure way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet.

In conclusion
, It is
certainly
a wise decision to allocate computer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. This the way they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about technology in a more detailed manner.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays computer education is compulsory for your learners in most schools. Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere? Provide your opinion and use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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