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In majority of universities learners focus on specific subjects, however some consider that universities must motivate learners to learn a great range of subjects. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this. v.1

In majority of universities learners focus on specific subjects, however some consider that universities must motivate learners to learn a great range of subjects. v. 1
It is argued that universities should motivate students to learn a broader range of subjects rather than focusing on specific subjects. This essay disagrees with this viewpoint. Firstly, this essay will discuss students concentrating on particular subjects to attain their major objective and secondly, learning irrelevant topics could distract learners focus from their specialization. Students pertaining tertiary education should acquire relevant knowledge and skill required by the chosen field. This will keep the learners focused and concentrated on designated topics and they can devote more time and effort to succeed in their academic journey. For instance, a student doing IT degree will benefit more from learning about cloud computing rather than learning about history. As a result, these learners will be equipped with outstanding skills and will add more skilful workers in the job market. On the other hand, mandating subject irrelevant to specialization will make it more difficult for learners to achieve better grades in these topics. Moreover, learners will pay less attention to the main subjects as they must study new subjects out of their major and will ultimately have an adverse effect on their overall result. However, there are many learning institutes that provide courses, specialized in subjects that learners can enrol after graduation. For instance, companies like HubSpot provides mini diplomas in the fields of sales and marketing that anyone can register. In conclusion, students seeking higher education should learn subjects pertaining to their major that will have a better outcome rather than studying subjects that could be an academic burden.
It
is argued
that universities should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn a broader range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
rather
than focusing on specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This essay disagrees with this viewpoint.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
concentrating on particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to attain their major objective and
secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
irrelevant topics could distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
focus from their specialization.

Students pertaining tertiary education should acquire relevant knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
required by the chosen field. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
focused and concentrated on designated
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
topics and
they can devote more time and effort to succeed in their academic journey.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
doing IT degree will benefit more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about cloud computing
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about history.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
will
be equipped
with outstanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
workers in the job market.

On the other hand
, mandating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
irrelevant to specialization will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to achieve better grades in these topics.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
will pay less attention to the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
out of their major and will
ultimately
have an adverse effect on their
overall
result.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
institutes that provide courses, specialized in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
can enrol after graduation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like HubSpot provides mini diplomas in the fields of sales and marketing that anyone can register.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
seeking higher education should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
pertaining to their major that will have a better outcome
rather
than studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that could be an academic burden.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In majority of universities learners focus on specific subjects, however some consider that universities must motivate learners to learn a great range of subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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