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Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games then doing sport. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development?

Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games then doing sport. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development? VgDJ
Cyberspace taking time from children is doing them physically weak. How will be result? With knobs on negative result because computer game is, out of real life. Children of 21st century depend on computer games. Children who play computer games a lot are ill. Sick, children spend time in cyber clubs. Children play games so that they could get motivation or be relaxed is good idea yet, follow computer games instead of doing exercises in door is unsuitable decision. I think parents are manifest because they can not take care of their children. In effect infant begin find attention from games. Let us consider what the positive sides and drawbacks games are willnes children may get another sicknesses for instance physically and mentally. Children should be strong and healthy and must not play computer games a lot. It can have an effect for their developing in the future. I think computer games have consequence such as be invalid and killing people. One should note here that from playing games every child can be relaxed because it is enjoyable and play games with friends give another emotions. When person tired or psychically exhausted he should play games or read books. But every time the one ought to control own self and know limit about cyberspace. To sum up, children wanting to be healy should not play games a lot, and parents must harken to children. Being sick, they can not develope.
Cyberspace taking time from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is doing them
physically
weak. How will be result? With knobs on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer game is, out of real life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
of 21st century depend on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a lot are ill. Sick,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend time in cyber clubs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivation or
be relaxed
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
yet
, follow computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of doing exercises in door is unsuitable decision. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
parents are manifest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In effect infant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
find attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider what the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides and drawbacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
willnes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
another sicknesses
for instance
physically
and mentally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be strong and healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a lot. It can have an effect for their developing in the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have consequence such as be invalid and killing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. One should note here that from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
every child can
be relaxed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is enjoyable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with friends give another emotions. When person tired or
psychically
exhausted he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or read books.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
every time the one ought to control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self and know limit about cyberspace. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wanting to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
healy
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a lot, and parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake found.
harken
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Being sick, they can not
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games then doing sport. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
240 words
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text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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