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Nowadays children spend lots of time watching television and playing conputers games. However, it does not help in improving children's mental abilities do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays children spend lots of time watching television and playing conputers games. However, it does not help in improving children's mental abilities m1XmN
With the advancement of technology, the phenomenon of watching television and playing graphical games is risen up among the age small age groups. Therefore, some people opine that this technology could bring some mental diseases like depression, while I believe that this smart device are helpful in their life. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this problem. To begin with, This technological have some positive impact on the child's mind. Firstly, playing video games in leisure time could be stress buster for teenagers. In addition, after playing games they have more focus on their other activities. also, the level of concentration would increase if they play games. For example, one study found out that children who pay with games have better speed in thinking and spot the items as compare to normal children. Secondly, television is the source of learning new things and improve abilities. Kids can express their self as a creating new things like famous cartoon drawing. So it is important in their life. On the flip side, if child addicted to games, it might effect on their academic result. Also, children might suffer from the various mental stages like depression or anxiety attack which is really stressful for their parents as well as state. Moreover, teenagers feel socially isolated which can bring some negative impact on next generation. To recapitulate, although, playing games and watching TV have their own benefits, but, it has a a negative influence on their mind which can effect on their career. They need to play under the observation of their parents for a limited time.
With the advancement of technology, the phenomenon of watching television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
graphical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is risen
up among the age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age groups.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that this technology could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental diseases like depression, while I believe that this smart device are helpful in their life. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, This technological have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the child's mind.
Firstly
,
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playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in leisure time could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
In addition
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they have more focus on their other activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, the level of concentration would increase if they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, one study found out that children who pay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have better speed in thinking and spot the items as compare to normal children.
Secondly
, television is the source of learning new things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
abilities. Kids can express their self as a creating new things like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cartoon drawing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in their life.

On the flip side, if child addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it might
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on their academic result.
Also
, children might suffer from the various mental stages like depression or anxiety attack which is
really
stressful for their parents
as well
as state.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
feel
socially
isolated which can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
next
generation.

To recapitulate, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching TV have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it has
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on their mind which can effect on their career. They need to play under the observation of their parents for a limited time.

IELTS essay Nowadays children spend lots of time watching television and playing conputers games. However, it does not help in improving children's mental abilities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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