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Nowadays, children are habituated by playing games on computers. does this affect the brain development? Give your views.

Nowadays, children are habituated by playing games on computers. does this affect the brain development? Give your views. bEjxQ
As technology rapidly changing the word, the means of entertainment and enjoyment of children are also transform. Nowadays young ones of our society do not involve in physical sports which was earlier used in our childhood. They are more home person, those who spend most of their time playing digital games. I strongly agree that new generation are addicted to playing games in computer. This also affecting their conscious mind development. According to various studies, it is explored that playing in online gaming platform and also playing in a system can adversely affect the subconscious mind of children. It can have a negative effect on their human behavior. Those child who spent a plethora of their time on digital gaming, may have a lot of mood swings. Furthermore in a recent research on teenagers, it was found that maximum number of children who vigorously play video games at home are from the age group of 13-16. Another survey which was done on young children, it was observed in survey anger level also increasing in teenagers due the adverse effect which cause by violent games. In contrast, a number of intellectuals found that, the it is great for the development of brain, games like solving puzzles and treasure hunting can largely activate the mind in a greater extent. Although it is sole responsibility of parents to try for their children, to abstain them from gaming for a longer period. For them it is excellent way of developing a children brain. In final conclusion, parents are the pillar of a child life, they have a wider and deep control over the acts of their life. They know about all activities which can be deleterious for them. They should not over control them but also do not capitulate in front of them. They should counsel their child and further try to promote physical games in front of their child. Which can increase physical movements in their lives.
As technology
rapidly
changing the word, the means of entertainment and enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "transformed".
transform
. Nowadays young ones of our society do not involve in physical sports which was earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our childhood. They are more home person, those who spend most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that new generation
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in computer. This
also
affecting their conscious mind development.

According to various studies, it
is explored
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in online gaming platform and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in a system can
adversely
affect the subconscious mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their human behavior. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who spent a plethora of their time on digital gaming, may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mood swings.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
in a recent research on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, it
was found
that maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
vigorously
play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home are from the age group of 13-16. Another survey which
was done
on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
was observed
in survey anger level
also
increasing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
due the adverse effect which cause by violent games.

In contrast
, a number of intellectuals found that,
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
is great for the development of brain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like solving puzzles and treasure hunting can
largely
activate the mind in a greater extent. Although it is sole responsibility of parents to try for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to abstain them from gaming for a longer period. For them it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a excellent".
excellent
way of developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brain.

In final conclusion, parents are the pillar of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
life, they have a wider and deep control over the acts of their life. They know about all activities which can be deleterious for them. They should not over control them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do not capitulate in front of them.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
should counsel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
further
try to promote physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in front of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
can increase physical movements in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, children are habituated by playing games on computers. does this affect the brain development? Give your views.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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