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Nowadays, children and teenager play more and more computer games. Parents think computer games have little value and more harmful effects. What's opinion?

Nowadays, children and teenager play more and more computer games. Parents think computer games have little value and more harmful effects. What's opinion? DlY5m
In recent years, the issue that children and teenager play more and more computer games has drawn extensive attention. Many parents believe that computer games have negative influences on children and they should control the amount of time that children spend on computer games. Personally, I think computer games have a number of positive effects on children despite its limited disadvantages. Admittedly, computer games are harmful to children in terms of study and physical health. With the advance of gaming technology and the introduction of concept of multiple player, computer games become exceptionally compelling. Children found these games very hard to resist and often play these games for hours after hours. It seriously distract children from study. In addition, it is well known that computer screen radiation and brightness can cause many health problems such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes. For example, news paper reported that a 18-year-old die after playing 40 hours computer games. However, computer games have many positive influences on children. To begin with, some computer games are designed to be very competitive to play and when children play those games they experience the same thing that they experience from other games without worrying breaking bones or hurting themselves. Also, computer games are often involved collaboration between players. Children can learn some basic social skills with an adult's watching and monitoring. At last, some computer games help children to gain knowledges that cannot be learnt in school. For example, a computer game called civilisation can teach children about the history of human and nations. In conclusion, computer games have both merits and demerits. But I believe playing more computer games has more positive than negative effects to children. Therefore, parents should carefully guide children with good and educational game as well as mitigate the adverse effects of computer games.
In recent years, the issue that
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children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
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play
more and more computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has drawn extensive attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should control the amount of time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
despite its limited disadvantages.

Admittedly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of study and physical health. With the advance of gaming technology and the introduction of concept of multiple player, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become
exceptionally
compelling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
found these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to resist and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for hours after hours. It
seriously
Did you mean "distracts"?
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from study.
In addition
, it is well known that computer screen radiation and brightness can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes.
For example
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
reported that
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
18-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
after playing 40 hours computer games.

However
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on
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children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they experience the same thing that they experience from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without worrying breaking bones or hurting themselves.
Also
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
involved collaboration between players.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with an adult's watching and monitoring. At last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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children
to gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
that cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in school.
For example
, a computer game called
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the history of human and nations.

In conclusion
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have both merits and demerits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe playing more computer
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games
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, parents should
carefully
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and educational game
as well
as mitigate the adverse effects of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, children and teenager play more and more computer games. Parents think computer games have little value and more harmful effects. What's opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Nowadays, children and teenager play more and more computer games. Parents think computer games have little value and more harmful effects. What's opinion?