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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? RDNk
The trending phenomenon shows that entertainers earn income more than the politicians do. This essay will explain the two main reasons and explain as to why this situation leads to a negative development. Firstly and foremost, the ultimate reason why actress got higher income than politicians is they are benefited with their fame. A lot of actresses nowadays create their own YouTube channel and since they have numerous fans around the world, their YouTube content often goes viral. As the result, the actress will get significant amount of money from YouTube and they even can earn more than $5600 in a month. Another point to consider is that some of the celebrities have been managing their own business that can add their income remarkably since people tend to pay higher for a well-known brand, moreover if the actress herself design the mode. For instance, Jennifer Lopes herself design her haute couture with the average price for one gown is $4600. Undoubtedly, the actress’ fame, which politicians do not have, helps them increasing their income more than the politicians do. This situation lead to a negative development since it can lead to a higher number of failed-business. The businesses from a not-well-known people who has limited budget on marketing and has no base fans would likely cannot compete with the actress business. As the consequence, these small businesses will go bankrupt. To make it short, actress business is the biggest barrier for smaller business to develop. Another point of view is that the actress’ channel will monopolized the streaming online, thus we will not have various options in the streaming. To put in a nutshell, though actress’ fame contributes highly both in online and offline in leveling up their income than the politicians, this would lead to a negative development in economy to a smaller business around the world.
The trending phenomenon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that entertainers earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
do. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the two main reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
as to why this situation leads to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Firstly
and foremost, the ultimate reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
is they
are benefited
with their fame.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actresses
nowadays create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
YouTube channel and since they have numerous fans around the world, their YouTube content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
goes viral. As the result, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
significant amount of money from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
YouTube and
they even can earn more than $5600 in a month. Another point to consider is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
celebrities have been managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
remarkably
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to pay higher for a well-known brand,
moreover
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress
herself design the mode.
For instance
, Jennifer Lopes herself design her haute couture with the average price for one gown is $4600.
Undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress’
fame, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
do not have,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
The verb 'not' is used with an infinitive: "to increase" or "increase".
increasing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
do.

This situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development since it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a higher number of failed-business. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
from a not-well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
limited budget on marketing and has no base fans would likely cannot compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. As the consequence, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will go bankrupt. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is the biggest barrier for smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to develop. Another point of view is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress’
channel will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "monopolize"
monopolized
the streaming online,
thus
we will not have various options in the streaming.

To put in a nutshell, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actress’
fame contributes
highly
both in online and offline in leveling up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
, this would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development in economy to a smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
around the world.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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