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n some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

n some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? 5Y6B
It is a fact that the number of obese people is increasing in many countries, with declining their health and fitness conditions. There are several reasons for these problems, but it can be tackled by social, governmental and individual efforts. There are many causes that have led to rising( a rise in) people's weight and getting worse their levels of health and fitness. The first reason is that a myriad of foods in supermarkets or dishes in restaurants are high in saturated fat, sugar, and salt. Especially eating habit of enjoying fast food, which include large amount of fat and salt, makes people escalate gaining weight. In addition, in modern society people usually have a sedentary life style. People live in cities spend most of their time in front of computers at work or schools and rest on a sofa or a bad in their free time. As a result, the time for physical activities are decreasing and levels of health and fitness are getting worse in most people. However, there are several solutions that can be taken socially and personally to improve this situation. To begin with, people should make time to exercise on a regular basis. Having a time to work out is the simplest and easiest way that people can progress themselves. However, to solve this problem efficiently social and governmental scale efforts should be done together. Firstly, the food industry tries to cut down the contents of salt and sugar in ready-made products. Also, governments should provide and operate public parks or physical facilities for free or with little fees. By doing so, the fast growing number of over-weight people would be controlled and improved personal health and fitness conditions as well. In conclusion, despite those obvious reasons for rising the rate of over-weight people and decreasing the levels of health and fitness, the problems can be solved through joint efforts by governments, societies, and individuals.
It is a fact that the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, with declining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
conditions. There are several reasons for these problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be tackled
by social, governmental and individual efforts.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes that have led to rising
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
a rise in)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's weight and getting worse their levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
. The
first
reason is that a myriad of foods in supermarkets or dishes in restaurants are high in saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sugar, and salt.
Especially
eating habit of enjoying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which include large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and salt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
escalate gaining weight.
In addition
, in modern society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
have a sedentary life style.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cities spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of computers at work or schools and rest on a sofa or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities are decreasing and levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
are getting worse in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there are several solutions that can
be taken
socially
and
personally
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to exercise on a regular basis. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work out is the simplest and easiest way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can progress themselves.
However
, to solve this problem
efficiently
social and governmental scale efforts should
be done
together.
Firstly
, the food industry tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the contents of salt and sugar in ready-made products.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide and operate public parks or physical facilities for free or with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fees. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing number of over-weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be controlled
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
conditions
as well
.

In conclusion
, despite those obvious reasons for rising the rate of over-weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and decreasing the levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
, the problems can
be solved
through joint efforts by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, societies, and individuals.
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IELTS essay n some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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