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Both governments and individuals are spending vast amounts of money protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Both governments and individuals are spending vast amounts of money protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 3
While there is so much human suffering, the spending of resources to protect wild animals presents an ethical dilemma. However, I disagree with the opinion given, because it is possible to allocate resources intelligently to benefit both the animal and the human population. The protection of wild animals must be high on the agenda of every individual citizen and government. Firstly, the red list of endangered species in increasing every year. If wildlife extinction continues, then humans may face an ecological crisis, which impacts on their own survival. For example, if the practice of whaling is not halted, the ecosystems of our oceans will be altered forever, and this may affect fish stocks on which so many communities depend for a living. Secondly, protecting wild animals means protecting the habitats in which they live, such as rainforests and wetlands. If habitat destruction is permitted, climate change will affect our capacity to produce food to sustain the growing human population. The formation of wildlife reserves not only protects wildlife, it also brings benefits to communities. In order to generate revenue for their management and to eliminate poaching, responsible ecotourism to observe animals in the wild can be developed further. This has been shown to create jobs in such places as the Serengeti National Park in Africa. The result is increased prosperity when local communities, especially in developing countries, are involved in the running of wildlife safaris, which attract visitors to the reserves. Thus, the application of intelligent strategies brings benefits for humans and wildlife. In conclusion, I disagree with the view expressed in the statement. It is in the interest of everyone to protect wildlife, and creative solutions have shown that this need not be a drain on scarce resources.
While there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
suffering, the spending of resources to protect wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
presents an ethical dilemma.
However
, I disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is possible to allocate resources
intelligently
to benefit both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population.

The protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be high on the agenda of every individual citizen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Firstly
, the red list of endangered species in increasing every year. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
extinction continues, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
may face an ecological crisis, which impacts on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
survival.
For example
, if the practice of whaling is not halted, the ecosystems of our oceans will
be altered
forever, and this may affect fish stocks on which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities depend for a living.
Secondly
, protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
means protecting the habitats in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, such as rainforests and wetlands. If habitat destruction
is permitted
, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
will affect our capacity to produce food to sustain the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
population.

The formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
reserves not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
protects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
, it
also
brings benefits to communities. In order to generate revenue for their management and to eliminate poaching, responsible ecotourism to observe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the wild can
be developed
further
. This has
been shown
to create jobs in such places as the Serengeti National Park in Africa. The result
is increased
prosperity when local communities,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
are involved
in the running of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
safaris, which attract visitors to the reserves.
Thus
, the application of intelligent strategies brings benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and wildlife.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the view expressed in the statement. It is in the interest of everyone to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
, and creative solutions have shown that this need not be a drain on scarce resources.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Both governments and individuals are spending vast amounts of money protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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