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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
In this day and age, it is generally accepted that luminaries's income is vastly higher than politicians accounting for their reputation. From my point of view, I consider it as a positive development in this society. To begin with, social media have gained in popularity recently. That's why the celebrities have become more and more influenced. Moreover, there is a myriad of ways to earn money as being a celeb. For instance, advertising, and starting a business is supposed to be the two most prominent activities which are done by luminaries. Acting and selling albums, singles are also included. Moreover, there is a plethora of stars who spend their money to support the orphans and poor people. Apart from that, each luminary does have a substantial number of fans who always follow and support them. The fame of celebrities could easily change to the notoriety owing to the sentiments of the public. Though it is associated with some advantages, there are still downsides of this argument. Outraged fans would become the negative impacts as they might attack their idols because of personal purposes or psychological problems, like delivery a not good social message which is the bad effect to the citizens. For example, some avid fans have abused the images of celebrities to promote their products without permission. To conclude, I opine that this development is probably positive. As in the fast growing world, social network is a crucial part of our life as well as luminaries are the key factors to spread the messages to everyone.
In this day and age, it is
generally
accepted
that
luminaries's
income is
vastly
higher than politicians accounting for their reputation. From my point of view, I consider it as a
positive
development in this society.

To
begin
with, social media have gained in popularity recently. That's why the celebrities have become more and more influenced.
Moreover
, there is a myriad of ways to earn money as being a celeb.
For instance
, advertising, and starting a business
is supposed
to be the two most prominent activities which
are done
by luminaries. Acting and selling albums, singles are
also
included.
Moreover
, there is a plethora of stars who spend their money to support the orphans and poor
people
. Apart from that, each luminary does have a substantial number of fans who always follow and support them. The fame of celebrities could
easily
change
to the notoriety owing to the sentiments of the public.

Though it
is associated
with
some
advantages, there are
still
downsides of this argument. Outraged fans would become the
negative
impacts as they might attack their idols
because
of personal purposes or psychological problems, like delivery a not
good
social message which is the
bad
effect to the citizens.
For example
,
some
avid fans have abused the images of celebrities to promote their products without permission.

To conclude
, I opine that this development is
probably
positive
. As in the
fast
growing world, social network is a crucial part of our life
as well
as luminaries are the key factors to spread the messages to everyone.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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