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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v.21

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 21
Fame and fortune are largely dependent on the hard-work, persistence, luck and creativity displayed by individuals of a society. These qualities often make them very famous and popular that the whole nation becomes anxious and curious just to get their glimpse or an autograph. Few people believe that people are popular due to their glamour and rich lifestyle. They claim that youngsters should not follow their footprint because they may lead them astray and I don’t agree fully with this proclamation. This essay will analyse the merits and demerits of idealising celebrities before presenting a conclusion. Famous people such as movie or sports stars can be a role model for the young people of a society. Idealising and treating them as their idol can help them to achieve their required goal in life. Following their footprints can result in exploring their own talent which can further showcase marvels and brilliance. Their creativity, innovation and display of their skills and abilities inspire adolescents to bring change in their life for good. For instance, legendary Amir Khan, the famous Bollywood celebrity, is known for his inspirational and creative movies but  not for his wealth or attractive personality. Adolescents copying his qualities and attributes have promoted strong moral and ethical values in a society. On the contrary, few people believe that following superstars and famous people displaying negativity can mislead young people of our society. Proponents of this viewpoint believe that inspiring from their negative roles and displaying the same act at home or in streets can have a severe impact on the society. Moreover, celebrities are often found in smoking advertisements, charged with drugs and other criminal activities, youth following their path can result in the destruction of ethical values of a society. For instance, Sanjay Dutt, Bollywood Actor is well known for his money and roles as a villain, his terrorist acts in different movies have given rise to violence and crime in streets of Mumbai, all these were committed by adolescents for thrill and adventure. To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments in favour of both views. There is no doubt that famous people have their influence, as youth is not mature and in the growing phase of their life. However, one should not criticise the celebrities as it depends on the young people how they perceive and take it forward.
Fame and fortune are
largely
dependent on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work, persistence, luck and creativity displayed by individuals of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. These qualities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and popular that the whole nation becomes anxious and curious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their glimpse or an autograph. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are popular due to their glamour and rich lifestyle. They claim that youngsters should not follow their footprint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may lead them astray and I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
fully
with this proclamation. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the merits and demerits of
Possible spelling mistake. 'idealising' is British English.
idealising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
presenting a conclusion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as movie or sports stars can be a role model for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Idealising' is British English.
Idealising
and treating them as their idol can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve their required goal in life. Following their footprints can result in exploring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
talent which can
further
showcase marvels and brilliance. Their creativity, innovation and display of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities inspire adolescents to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their life for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For instance
, legendary Amir Khan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Bollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
,
is known
for his inspirational and creative movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
not for his wealth or attractive personality. Adolescents copying his qualities and attributes have promoted strong moral and ethical values in a society.

On the contrary
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that following superstars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
displaying negativity can mislead young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Proponents of this viewpoint believe that inspiring from their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
roles and displaying the same act at home or in streets can have a severe impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found in smoking advertisements, charged with drugs and other criminal activities, youth following their path can result in the destruction of ethical values of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, Sanjay
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dutt
, Bollywood Actor is well known for his money and roles as a villain, his terrorist acts in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
movies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to violence and crime in streets of Mumbai, all these
were committed
by adolescents for thrill and adventure.

To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of both views. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their influence, as youth is not mature and in the growing phase of their life.
However
, one should not
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticise' is British English.
criticise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as it depends on the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how they perceive and take it forward.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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