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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v.20

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 20
It is true that most of the celebrities are known for their luxurious lifestyles than for their performance or talents these days. Many people think that this kind of attitude is not a good example for the young generation. To a certain extent, I would agree that this kind of behaviour would be a bad example for the society, but there are other famous people are popular due to their outstanding accomplishment. On the one hand, it is a fact that many famous people become popular due to their fancy lifestyle, instead of their outstanding achievement these days. Their acting talent might be standard or below the average, but they are making sensation to the public by showing their wealth and glamorous lifestyles. One of the examples would be Kim Kardashian who is famous for her reality television program, whereas it mostly shows her luxurious mansion, party and shopaholic lifestyles and less of her acting. It is believed that the behaviour would be a negative influence for the young people as it teaches them about hedonistic lifestyle. On the other hand, there are celebrities who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. These people have shown to the world that they have reached success due to strong determination and hard work, and the public always recognise them for their masterpiece of arts and great achievements. One of the examples would be the legendary English footballer David Beckham. He was not only a good athlete but also became the model of some sports apparels. Although David Beckham sometimes had shown his glamorous lifestyle, but he had also shown to the public that he was a good football player. He had informed in his biography that to achieved success, he had to work hard in his young age, as he had to practice in doing penalty kick for around 1000 kick per day consistently. These kinds of celebrities are worth to be followed by the young generation. In conclusion, many famous people are well known for their wealth and luxurious style, instead of their achievement and it would be a negative example for the young age people. To a certain point, I would disagree with the opinion, since there are other celebrities who are famous due to their great talent and performance. In my opinion, I think the public should be more selective in choosing their role models, not just in front of the camera, but we should also see from their personal life as well.
It is true that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are known
for their luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
than for their performance or talents these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this kind of attitude is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their outstanding accomplishment.

On the one hand, it is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
instead
of their outstanding achievement these days. Their acting talent might be standard or below the average,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are making sensation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
by showing their wealth and glamorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
would be Kim Kardashian who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for her reality television program, whereas it
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
her luxurious mansion, party and shopaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and less of her acting. It
is believed
that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it teaches them about hedonistic lifestyle.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have shown to the world that they have reached success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to strong determination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
always
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
them for their masterpiece of arts and great achievements. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
would be the legendary English footballer David Beckham. He was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
athlete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
became the model of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports apparels. Although David Beckham
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
had shown his glamorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he had
also
shown to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
that he was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
football player. He had informed in his biography that to achieved success, he had to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, as he had to practice in doing penalty kick for around 1000 kick per day
consistently
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are worth to
be followed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are well known for their wealth and luxurious style,
instead
of their achievement and it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To a certain point, I would disagree with the opinion, since there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their great talent and performance. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
should be more selective in choosing their role models, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in front of the camera,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from their personal life
as well
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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