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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

In this era, people are most likely to be influenced by the famous people or celebrities because of the high glamour maintenance and wealthy outlook, I completely agree with the statement that it posess bad examples to young people Firstly, The people of this generation are more agile to the bad influences, they pretend to be someone else rather than being who they are and one major factor that brainwash them are the welthy people who areflamboyant and throw lavish parties in their massive villas drive expensive rides and going to extraodinary trips, By looking at these thing a lot of people want to live their life as good as the celebrities despite of how much money they earn, This changes the way how people think which causes them to spend money they earn rather than saveing or investing on oneself. secondly, The youth are the most effected, by observing the famous they follow exactly what the famous do from their hair style to dress style it will change the whole prospective, the amatures starts to think that earing money is the key to every thing including happiness the point they are missing is the hardwork and time spent on the goal to achive it, This is exatly what the this generation is missing, they wnat every thing to be done in ease and do not want to come out of their comfort zone instead of learning leassons from the celeb how much hard work they have done to achive their goal. In conclusion, showing glamour and wealth of the rich apart of their achivements will be bad examples to the youth and change the prospective of the young people
In this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most likely to
be influenced
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or celebrities

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high glamour maintenance and wealthy outlook, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that it
Possible spelling mistake found.
posess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
examples to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


Firstly
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this generation are more agile to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences, they pretend to be someone else
rather
than being who they are and one major factor that brainwash them are the
Possible spelling mistake found.
welthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
areflamboyant
and throw lavish parties in their massive villas drive expensive rides and going to
Possible spelling mistake found.
extraodinary
trips, By looking at
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘thing’. Did you mean “this thing” or “these things”?
these thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the celebrities
Did you mean “despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
despite of
how much money they earn, This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the way how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
which causes them to spend money they earn
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
saveing
or investing on oneself.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
secondly
, The youth are the most effected, by observing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
they follow exactly what the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
do from their
This is normally spelled as one word.
hair style
to dress style it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the whole prospective, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
amatures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
earing
money is the key to every thing including happiness the point they are missing is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
and time spent on the goal to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
it, This is
Possible spelling mistake found.
exatly
what
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only “the” or “this” is left.
the this
generation is missing, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
wnat
every thing to
be done
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone
instead
of learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
leassons
from the celeb how much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work they have done to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
their goal.

In conclusion
, showing glamour and wealth of the rich
Wrong collocation. Did you mean “apart from”?
apart of
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
achivements
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
examples to the youth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the prospective of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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